Beautiful surprise
by Chicagomedpd
Summary: A/U: Erin goes back to Chicago for Christmas after almost 4 years of leaving Chicago to live in New York.
1. coming home

A/U: Erin goes back to Chicago for Christmas after almost 4 years of leaving Chicago to live in New York.

Please read and review. The chapters are named after songs. DISCLAIMER: I do not own Chicago PD or any of the original characters. I only own the characters that I created.

**NEW YORK**

Erin pushed the cart around the grocery store. It was 6:30 in New York. "Mommy, who's my daddy?" The three-year-old in front of her ask. She was so taken back by the question that she almost dropped the box of pasta that she was holding. "Wh-where's this coming from?" She asks placing the pasta in the cart. "Because Lucy has a mommy and a daddy and she told me it was weird that I don't have both." She answered not looking up from the baby doll in her hand. ."Well, baby, your daddy lives in the place where mommy used to live and it's not weird that you only have a mommy it's unique."

Erin let out a sigh. "Maybe this summer we can go visit your grandpa Hank that lives there." The little girl nodded "But summers in like forever." She said stretching out the word forever. Erin let out a laugh. "What about for Christmas." The little girl pirked up. "I wove Christmas. Can we take plane?" The little girl asked. "Yes, baby we will have to take a plane." The whole rest of the time she rambled on about Christmas and some people at preschool who had ridden on a plane before and how cool she was going to be. Erin just nodded and laughed. Making little comments when she could.

**CHICAGO**

Jay walked into Voight's office. He was sitting at his desk with his finger up. "Christmas sounds good can't wait to have you home." He set down the phone. "What?" Voight groaned. "I just wanted to give you this"

"What is it?"

"It's a wedding invite. The weddings on the 21st"

Voight just nodded and places the invite in front of him on his desk. Halstead turned to leave. Once the door was shut he picked up the envelope and placed it in his desk drawer.

**CHICAGO airport 1 week before Christmas**

"Mommy, that was so cool." The little girl shouted getting off of the plane. "Yah it was. Are you excited to see grandpa Hank again?" They headed to baggage claim. "Weally excited." She watched for her big black suitcase and her daughters little pink one. "Here come our bags," Erin said as the bags fell onto the conveyor belt. The little girl reached for hers and Erin grabbed hers.

Walking out of the airport they climbed into a cab. Erin told the driver the address of the precinct.

**CHICAGO the precinct.**

Atwater and Dawson had just got a back to the building when a cab pulled up to the curb. All they could see when the person got out was the backside of a woman with long hair. "Is that who I think it is?" One asks the other. "If your thinking who I'm thinking then I think yes." Even with her hair longer the boys still recognized her. "You lost," Dawson shouted. Erin turned around but what she had on her shoulder shocked them both. There was a sleeping toddler. Only seeing its hair they knew exactly who's she was. "Why don't you two shut up and come help." She may have been gone for three years but she was still bossy. She couldn't figure out why they were just standing there staring but then she remembered. "This is Jo. Now get your asses down here and help." The boys came out of shock and rushed to the curb. She grabbed her purse and paid the driver. As the boys grabbed their suitcases out of the trunk. She slung Jo's book bag on her shoulder. "Jo we're here. Mommy wants you to meet some of her old friends." She said in a calm voice. The boys laughed. "What are two giggling about." The boys looked at each other. "Nothing it's just weird to see you all soft." Dawson jokes. She punched him in the arm. "Mommy that mean." She hadn't realized that her daughter was awake. "I know baby." The boys laughed again. She shot them each a look. "You should apologize." The little girl said lifting her head off of her mother's shoulder. The boys both looked at her than to Erin. Who wasn't paying attention to them? "Erin I hate to break it to you but she looks exactly like-."

"Don't say it." She groaned. The boys shared another look of shock. Dawson hurried to open the door. "Why don't you lay back down," Erin said to the little girl as she walked in. The little girl buried her head back in her mom's shoulder. She walked right by the front desk and was about to walk up the stairs when she heard some say "Lindsey, Come to pay a visit have we." She whipped around and groan. "I just couldn't stand being away from you." She answered walking over to the desk and setting Jo down. "And who do we have here?"

"This is my daughter Joan." The older woman looked at the toddler. "Hey, sweet girl mommy want you to met someone else." The little girl turned around and look at the woman. "O my, does he know." Erin shook her head. "That's why you're here." The little girl grabbed a pen from the cup on the desk. "Jo honey lets not touch. No who are we here to see baby?" The little girl looked at the older woman. "Grampa hank." She said filled with joy. Erin heard the door shut but didn't turn around. "Dam New York did you good." Erin whipped around to see Ruzek and Olinsky. Both of their eyes widen at the sight of what was on the desktop. The little girl started to pull on her mom's sleeve "Mommy that man has boo-boo I make feel better." Erin laughed "Yes baby." She picked her daughter up and brought her over to the boys. "Guys this is my daughter Joan." Their mouths dropped open. "You have boo-boo I kiss make feel better." She said pulling on Atwater sleeve. He was taken out of his shock. "Sure um ok." The little girl kissed the bruise on his cheek. "Betwer" he nodded. "She looks just like him," he said facing Erin. She nodded. "Mommy can we please go see grandpa now please."

"Yes, baby we can." She let her daughter down and grabbed her hand. Erin released that she had no clue where her purse or their suitcases were. "Lindsey here are your passes." Platt handed her two cards laminated one on a string and another on a clip. Erin placed the one with the lanyard around Jo's neck and clipped the other one on her pocket. "Thank you" the woman nodded "good luck."

Erin and jo walked up the stairs to Voight's offices. They walked in just at the right time. There he was kissing some other girl." Erin stopped dead in her tracks. "Mommy lets go." Jo said pulling on her pant leg. Everyone turned to see Erin and Jo standing in the doorway. With everyone staring at them Erin turned Jos back to him. She crouched down and looked at the little girl. "Mommy, what's wrong?" The little girl asked. Erin took a shaky breath. "Nothing baby mommy's fine." She picked her up and walked over to Dawson's desk. "Can you take her for a moment I need to talk to someone." She turned toward her daughter. "Baby girl why don't you show uncle Dawsome your toys." She slid the bag off of her shoulder and placed it on the desk. "Ok mommy you be back soon?"

"Yes, baby mommy will be back real soon." She got off of her knees and brushed them off speed walking to the glass office. "Erin? What are you doing here you're early?" She slammed the door behind her. "You knew didn't you and you didn't tell did you?" She accused holding back tears. "You done." She nodded. "I need to get out of here. I need to get back to new york I should have never come." He shook his head. "You did the right thing look how happy she is." He pointed at the little girl sitting on Dawson's lap showing off a plastic horse and pointing at things. Erin laughed then started to cry. "I can't do this." She said placing her head on hanks shoulder. They both heard the door open and heard it get slam shut again. "How old?" The voice shouted. "How old is she?" Erin let out a shaky breath and shook her head. "Her birthdays on Wednesday. She's going to be four." She picked her head up and wiped her tears she had to be strong. "Dam it." He shouted she could see that everyone was staring at then except for Dawson and Jo. "Why the hell didn't you tell me. I could have helped." She let out a sigh. "I don't need your help I'm managing just fine. We are both happy and healthy." Her voice rising. She said pointing at the little girl. "And you seem to have moved on dam well fine to me." She said pointing to the blond haired woman standing in the middle of the room staring at the little girl. "You were always so petty." She was shocked. "I'm the petty one, your the one who was just yelling at me because I didn't want my daughter to-" she didn't know what to say. "Why, because you wanted her all to yourself." Erin's mouth fell open. "You did not just say that. I only came here because my daughter was asking who her dad was and I thought I would at least give her that." He looked shocked. "You didn't tell her about me." It was Erin's turn to be shocked now. "What did you want me to do? Show her a picture and say this is you daddy but sorry you'll never get to meet him. "

"If I would know about her I would have jumped on the next plane to New York." Erin let out a loud sigh. "Exactly that's what I didn't want to happen I didn't want to call you then ten hours later you be there. I DON'T NEED A DAMN SUPERHERO JAY." They hadn't noticed that Voight had left the office a while ago. "I can't do this I knew this was a mistake. We are just going to go home."

"Seriously Erin why do you always run when things get bad or hard why do you run? Hell, why are you running now?" These question struck her right in the heart. She knew the answer she just did want to admit it. "Because that's what I do." He knew she wanted to say more but he didn't press. "I'm sorry but I can't fight with you here. It's been a long day a Jo's looking tired." Jay held out his hand to stop her. "What's her name?" He asks letting his hand fall. "Joan Jay Lindsay-Halstead." He couldn't help but let a smile form on his face and Erin had to laugh releasing that their daughters were almost the same. "Their" daughter it sounded so weird she was used to saying her or my daughter. "You hyphenated and put my name as her middle name."

"Yeah, i planned on telling her when she was older. She just goes by Lindsey now but when she gets to school next year." He looked liked he was close to tears when she said this. "You good?" She asked "It's just so surreal I have a daughter. We have a daughter." He sat down. She stood in front of him. "I can't be a dad I'm not ready." he leaned his head forward an placed it in between her breast and wrapped his around her waist they were resting just above her butt neither of them gave it any thought. "She acts so much like you sometimes I don't think there 's any of me in her. She looks just like you some days I want to be mad at her for being so dam cute but also for being So much like the man, I just wanted to forget." He let out a shaky breath that was supposed to be a laugh. His hands had moved down to her ass but neither noticed. They just stood the for a moment. Erin had her lips placed on his head and she could feel people staring. She hadn't realized that she was crying til Jay lifted his head and placed his hand behind her ear and his thumb under her eyes wiping away tears. "They think that we're going to kiss in makeup," Erin said nodding towards the bullpen. Everyone made themselves look busy. they both laughed. Erin looked over to Dawson and Jo to see that Jo had not to move and was now playing with her baby doll and Dawson was staring at her. He mouthed the words you owe me big time and she nodded. "I planned on proposing to you the night you left."

"I guess it was for the best now you have her," Erin said pointing towards Malory. Jay let out a laugh. "You are so blind, Erin Lindsay. It's you It always been you. I love you. I have always loved you." she was taken aback surprised that he was saying these things. "No, you don't." she couldn't tell him how she felt now. "go out there and get your girl."

"DAMMIT EREN. can't you see you are my girl." she started to shake her head. "No Jay I'm not she is. she was made for you she yours. , on the other hand, am hers and so are you but that besides the point." his mouth fell open the can be fighting over him moving on. before either could say anything more than they regretted Erin turned and left. she walked over to her daughter and kneel down in front over her. Jay watched all of this from where he was standing. he hadn't realized that Malory had walked in until he felt her hands around his waist and all Jay could think of was five minutes ago when he had his arms wrapped around Erin's waist and how natural it felt. Erin turned to see Jay and Malory kissing. She had expected to feel many things on this trip, have many old feelings rekindled but, jealousy was not one of them. "mommy me tired." the little girl puts her hands out of her mom to grab her. "ok baby we can get a hotel just pack up your stuff." Dawson looked at her and said, "Erin you guys can stay at my house with me, i have a spare room." Erin turned as someone came and put a hand on her shoulder. " I got a spare room too if you guys need it later on." Atwater said. "our place still has the extra room." Jay said then she winced as he called it his and Malory's place. she hated the thought of someone else in the place that she bought with him, sleeping in the same bed that they did, cooking in the same kitchen, sitting on the same couch. The couch she remembers all the great times they had on that couch. all the kisses, all the weekend movie marathons. "Thank you, guys. But I think we are going to stay at a hotel. She started to help her daughter pick up her toys when Joan said. "Mommy, that man wooks like me. " she was pointing at Jay. "I guess he does doesn't he I never noticed." the guys sensed a bit of sarcasm or bitterness in her voice but they didn't know which. Erin grabbed the backpack and placed it back on her shoulder. Picking up her little girl she walked towards Jay. "baby girl this is your dad." she said stopping in front of him. "That why he wook like me?" she asked. Erin let out a laugh that Jay remembered all too well. "Yes it is." jay let a small smile creep onto his face. "Who is she?" Joan asked pointing towards Malory. "Why don't you ask him?" Erin said. "She is my fiancee," Jay said still looking at Erin. "what's that?" the little girl asked not understanding. "It's his girlfriend that he is going to get married to." Erin explained moving her gaze from Jay to Joan. "and spend the rest of his life with. Like in the movies wright?" Joan asked her mom. "Yes. baby like Ariel and Eric or belle and the beast," she answered locking her gaze with Jays. the four of them stood there in silence. Joan had fallen asleep. Erin could feel the tension in the air. She knew Malory felt threatened l. "Don't worry sweetheart he's all yours," Erin said breaking silence and her and Jays gaze. With that, she turned. Grabbed her bags from Atwater thanking him and left. When she reached the desk she handed their passes over and said her goodbyes. Hailing a cab and going to the nearest hotel and booking a room for the week she took Joan up to their room and laid her in the bed. Around 6:30 there was a knock on the door. Erin had been working on her computer and Joan had been playing with her baby doll on the bed with the tv on. "One second," Erin said closing her computer and turning down the tv. She walked over and opened the door seeing Jay and Burgess standing there. "Burgess its been awhile we should catch up." she signaled for them to walk in. Jays face said it all. "We need to talk out here," he said his voice sharp and deep. "Ok. give me a second."

"I brought Kim to watch Joan." Erin moved out of the way to let Burgess in and then followed behind her. "Baby this is mommy's friend she is going to watch you while I and Jay talk ok." the little girl nodded. Erin slipped on some shoes and walked back out to the hallway. "The wedding is in 5 days. We would love for you and Joan to come," he said once she got the door shut. "Jay I don't know if I can come but Jo can for sure. She would be more than happy to.". Jay nodded taking in what she had just said. You can drop her off at the apartment around 9 that morning."

"The same one as before," she asked knowing the answer and hating it all the same. "Yup same one," he answered not looking her in the eyes. "See you then." she grabbed the door handle put her card up to the scanner and walked in. "you have one smart girl here," Burgess said standing up as ern went back to sit on the bed. "Yeah i guess she is," she said laughing. She had always thought that her daughter was smart but she never said anything because she didn't want to be arrogant. "Well thank you for watching her and I mean it we should catch up. I think we're going to do dinner on her birthday Wednesday. I was going to see if you all wanted to come."

"Sounds good," Kim said pulling her in a hug. "I've missed you so much," she said separating them. "Bye Auntie Kim," the toddler said running up to Burgess and hugging her legs. "Goodbye JJ" she picked her up and squeezed her. Placing the toddler back on the ground and walking out. "Can I go swim?" Joan asked. "Yes you can but, tomorrow we are going dress shopping for Jay's wedding." Joan walked over to her suitcase dug around and pulled out her pink swimsuit.


	2. baby come back

**PLEASE READ: I have Enjoyed all of the review, likes and favorites. I am going to start upload every Sunday starting after next week because I have to upload on Friday due to being out of town and away from my computer. Due to popular request I have been writing a story about Erin and Jay having a son. It will be different than this story. Please R&R. **

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She stood in front of the last store on her list. She had been dress shopping for an hour. Her daughter was impossible to shop for and with . She had finally dropped her off with Voight and decided to do it on her own. She started to walk around looking at clothes as she went. After about and hour of looking she found nothing. She clutched her coat closer to her chest as she walked out of the small shop. She hailed a cab and climbed in. "Closest Burlington please." the driver pulled out onto the busy street and headed south. It was a fifteen minute ride. The cab pulled up to the curb she paid the driver . "I should really get a rental." she said to herself. She walked into the store and started toward the kids section knowing there would be christmas dresses out. She looked at a few plaid ones but decided that she didn't like them.

She looked around for a few more minutes grabbing dresses as she went. She weighed her options , choosing a long off white dress with baby pink roses at the bottom with a matching knit sweater. Erin walked over to women's section .

Not finding anything she liked in dresses she went to look for a paint suit. Already own two black one she decided to go for a different color. She found a deep red blazer liner with white silk on the inside and a pair of dress pants in the same color as the blazar guessing they were a set she chose them. She found a white silk shirt that matched the inside of the blazer.

The lady at the counter said that she would look great. Erin said thank you and payed for her new outfit. She stepped back into the cold and ran into someone. "I am so sorry-" she looked up at the persons face "Will, how are you?" she took a step back looking him in the eyes. "Erin what a surprise. it's been what?"

"Three years" she finished looking down at her feet. "Are you going to the wedding?" he asked. "Yah I was just picking up Joan and I's outfits." she answered holding up her bags A look of confesion showed on his face. Reviewing what she said she let out a loud gasp. "Joan who?" he asked cocking an eyebrow. "My- your niece." she stammered out. A new expression appeared on his face. "Is that why you left?" he accused. "Im sorry but I really should be going Jo's going to get anxious. It was nice to see you hope to see you at the wedding." she said turning on her heal, walking a block and turning so that she was out of Wills sight when she hailed a cab. "I need a rental car." she said getting in. "There's a place about three blocks from here." the driver responded. "that works." Erin answered.

She pulled up to Hank's house and got out of the car she had rented for the rest of their trip. Walking in the door she was greeted by the sweet smell of chocolate chip cookies. "Mommy is that you?" the little girl said from the kitchen. "No I'm a monster." she said with a laugh. "Mommy." the little girl screamed running out of the door and down the hall. She ran into her moms arms and Erin picked her up and pulled her into a hug. Joan started to rub her face on her mom's shoulder. "What are you doing? Are you getting chocolate on my shirt?" she started to tickle the little girl and she started to sqworm in her arms. "Stop it mommy that tickles." she keep giggling. "Were you huh were you?" she said still questioning her. "Yes" Erin stopped tickling her. "You little stink what am I going to do with you?" Joan placed her finger on her chin like she was thinking then raised it up. "Luv me awot."

"I already do that"

"I knew but luv me more than ever." Erin shook her head and placed a kiss in Joans cheek. "Got anymore cookies?" she asked. The little girl nodded. "Uh huh. I saved some for you." she wiggled out of her mom's arms then grabbed her hand. "Follow me" she said pulling on her mom's hand. Erin bent down and let the little girl pull her to the kitchen. "Grandpa Hank, looky." she said stopping in front of the small dining table in the kitchen. "Well look who the cat dragged in." he said standing. Joan let go of her mom's hand and ran around the table to grab the plate of cookies. "We made them together." she explained handing the plate to her mom. "Then they will be the best cookies I've ever had."

**December, 23. **

"Joan you need to hurry if you want to see your dad on time.". The little girl came running out of the bathroom shoes on the wrong feet. "You put your shoes on the wrong feet silly." she placed her daughter in the office chair and put her shoes on the right feet. "Lets go before we're late." she grabbed her purse and the dress bag that Joan's dress was in. "Mommy I can't forget piggy." she grabbed the stuffed pig that's limbs were hanging on by a thread. Erin ushered her out the door checking the room one last time. She hadn't put on her pant suit yet she was wearing the silk shirt with a oatmeal cardigan under her winter coat she also had on a pair of jeans and her old brown combat boots.

She knocked on the door. "One second." she heard a woman's voice say. The door open and there stood Malory wearing her shirt. She felt something die on the inside. That was her shirt the shirt that she had worn every time that she stayed the night. The shirt that she had left behind. "Jay sweetie someone's here for you." she moved out of doorway. Towards the master bedroom. It was her apartment her shirt, her man. She was shocked that she was thinking these thing. He wasn't her's anymore. He had stopped being hers when she didn't answer his call the night she left. A few seconds later a shirtless Jay leaned against the door frame. "Hey." he said as if he wasn't standing there shirtless and she wasn't in the bedroom wearing her shirt. "Hey you said nine and to me that means-"

"Eight forty-five. I know and all your clocks are set five minutes earlier so that you are on time. I bet I could write a book about you." she shook her head she couldn't stop staring at this bare chest. "I find that very hard to believe." she rolled her eyes. "Bye babe." Malory came up beside him dress in a green button up and a pair of jean. Erin looks her over realizing she used to have a shirt just like that. Malory peaked a kiss on his cheek slid past him and walked down the hall "is that my-" she couldn't even bring herself to finish the question. "Joan baby why don't you go inside. While me and your dad talk." the little girl nodded and Jay pushed himself off of the doorframe.

"I'm ok with her living in my old place but wearing clothes that I though had disappeared. But evidently the box never made it to my place. I mean i'm fine with it because half of my old clothes fit me since I left." Jay's eyebrow cocked up. "What do you mean?" she let out a loud huff of air. "I mean my boobs grew six sizes bigger when I was pregnant and they are still three sizes bigger." his eyes darted to her chest when she said this. "Surprised you didn't notice in Voights office." he let out a scuff. "I thought something was different." he snapped back right on time. "I will see you at the wedding here's her dress and shoes she can put it on herself she just needs you to zip the back and make sure her shoes are on the right feet." he nodded searching her eyes for something more. She knew what he wanted her to say and she was dying to say it but it was too late he was about to get married. She couldn't do that. She handed him the dress and the small bag. She turned avoiding eye contact. She turned and walked down the same hall that Malory just had but she did it with way more class. She felt Jays staring so she swayed her hips as much as she could without making it pronounced.

She slipped off her coat and hung it over her arm. Her heels clicking on the marble floor. She looked inside the large french door and down the aisle she saw Jay and Joan talking to someone she recognized but couldn't remember. She saw the little girl tap on her dad shoulder and whisper something in his ear. He turned around and his jaw dropped as he looked her up and down. She signaled for him to shut it. A look of embarrassment fell onto his face. She was tapped on the shoulder and saw Will and his date standing there. She leaned in and let him kiss her on the cheek. "Erin you look astonishing and I think Jay agrees." he nodded his head behind her and she turned around to see Jay walking towards her staring at her ass. "He better not because today is his day." she said. She felt someone tap on her shoulder and a photographer walked over. She turned and grabbed Joan from Jay. they all smiled as the photographer snapped a picture of them all standing together looking like a happy family. "Joan this is your dad brother your uncle Will. Why don't you go with him while I talk to your dad ok." the little girl nodded. "Ok momma." she handed her over to Will and turned to Jay. looking around to see if anyone was in ear shot. "Seriously about to get married?" he acted like he didn't know what she was talking about. "What do you mean I was just looking to see if your outfit was new. And you know that seeing you in a pantsuit turns me on." she let out of forced laugh than scowled at him. "You are about to get married and who tied you you tie." a look of embarrassment feel onto his face. She started to retie is. He placed his hand on her hip. "Jayhow many times do i have to remind you that you are getting married. But I can't stay here I can't watch you do this I can't watch you start the rest of your life with someone else. Someone who's not me. The truth is I still love you I have always loved you. I will be at the reception the pickup Joan just remember that it's her birthday.". With that she turned on the heel of her shoe and clicked away. Leaving Jay there with her words hanging over his head, his thoughts and a secret he was dying to tell her.


	3. speak now

**Thank you guys so much for all the reviews,views,likes,and save. I read all of the reviews and I appreciate them all good or bad. I will be updating this story every Sunday after this week. I will not be near a computer this weekend so I update early. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. I have not watched the show Since Erin left and I forgot about Hailey when I first wrote this so she will not be included. Nadia is also still alive. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago Pd or any of the main characters. I only own my **original**characters. **

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He stood there in shock at what she had just told him. She had just confessed to him that she was feeling the same thing she was. He was taken out of his daze by the feeling of something clasp onto his legs. "Daddy its wedding time." Joan said she had her arms wrapped around his legs. She was moving her head looking around the room. "Where mommy?" he reached his arms out so that he could pick her up. "Mommy, had to go do something. But she will be at the party to come get you sound good." Joan excessively nodded her head. "Sound good.

Will walk over "I'm sorry. She got away from me." Jay placed Joan back on the floor and she ran off to play with Malory's nieces and nephew.

"Same here." will knew he was talking about Erin. "what happened?"

"She yelled at me and told me that she still loved me at that she couldn't watch me do this and I just stood there like an idiot. I'm about to get married Will, I can't just leave her at the altar not like this." he shook his head. "You are not an idiot you are just really stupid. You wont leave on women that you think you love because you don't want to break her heart but you are letting one women walk away because you already did."

"We should get going the wedding is about to start." Jay finally spoke.

_/_

She pounded on the door her face mascara stained, her body shaking. She had ditched her heels and now they were hang off her fingers. Nadia threw open the door. "wha-Erin I thought you were at a wedding." she moved out of the door way and signaled for her to come in.

"I couldn't do it. I went, I smiled, I powered threw but then I talked to him. How could I have been so stupid." she threw her shoes down and slumped down on the couch.

Nadia stuck her head out the door and looked down the hall. "He's not coming." Erin huffed. "Maybe he will. Wheres my girl?" Erin sat up, placed her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. "She stayed, she really likes him."

"Almost as much as you do." nadia said with a smile. Erin let out a groan. "I don't like him Nadia." she turned her head and looked at Nadia who was standing with her arms crossed, staring at Erin.

"No, you most definitely do not because, what I am looking at right now does look like a grown woman crying over someone she can't have."

"I could have him if i wanted too but i don't." Nadia rolled her eyes. "Mm hmm whatever you say girl." she walked across the room and into the bathroom.

When she go back she threw something at Erin. "Wipe off your face you look like shit." Erin let out a laugh. "What are you planning?" she removed a wipe from the package and started to work on her face. "To drown our sorrows in booze." Nadia said from the next room over.

"That sounds like a good idea." Erin said sarcastically.

Naida came out wearing a black dress. "You look way too good to be going to molly's. What's your plan here." she threw Erin back her shoes.

He stood at the altar watching Joan not paying attention to the change in music. Everyone had been telling him that she looked like him but he couldn't stop seeing all of the Erin in her. He only released the change in music when Joan started to stand. "Here goes nothing bro." Will whispered in his ear. "I can't" Jay whispered only loud enough Will could hear. "You give me the signal and I will get you out of this" Jay cleared his throat and adjusted his suit coat. "She does look good though doesn't she."

"One thousand dollars does wanders." a smile appeared on both of their faces. "You gonna do it." Jay slightly shook his head. "Only time will tell."

Malory had arrived at the front of the room standing next to Jay. "you look amazing." Jay whispered taking h

er hands. "You clean up nice as well" they turned toward the officiate.

Sliding the ring on her finger he looked in her eyes and saw a sparkle. He knew he didn't have that same look in his eye. He had only truly enjoyed seeing that look in someone else's eyes her eyes.

He missed her eyes so much. Her beautiful hazel eyes that were full of life and beauty. Her eyes just looked like pools of rich chocolate they didn't change colors like hers did they stayed the same they looked boring.

"-Kiss the bride." and with that he leaned in and kissed her. He didn't kiss her with all of the compassion he used when he kissed Erin.

The kiss didn't last long but it was one of their longer kisses. He opened his eyes and tried to mimic her smile. But this wasn't what he wanted it wasnt who he wanted.

"Dance daddy dance." Joan chanted as her father talked to some of his old ranger buddies. "Joan these are some of my friends." he picked her up and rested her on his hip. "Hi I Joan Jay Lindsey." she introduced herself. "Lindsey?" the guys asked.

"That my mommy." Joan said totally oblivious that the guys were confused. "She was my partner for about six years things got personal then she left for New York and I hadn't heard from her till about a week ago." he explained looking at Joan.

"Wow she looks just like you."

"Dance daddy, Dance." Joan said jumping up and down.

"Ok let's dance." a new song had started. They walked out to the middle of the dance floor and grabbed her hand. "We dancing." Joan had a sparkle of joy in her eyes. "Yes we are." he twirled around and she let out a bubbly laugh. "Again again." he twirled around again making her laugh. Someone came up behind Joan and placed their hands over Jays. "mommy." Joan shouted. Jay had been looking at Joan. After feeling her hands on his he looked passed Joan's shoulder and saw Erin standing there. She wore a smile that he would always remember.

"You dance too?" she asked. "Yes baby I am also dancing." the three of them resituated. Joan was on Erins hip and holding one of Jays hands. Erin had her arm around Joan and her hand placed on Jays hand. She was holding his other hand. They swayed to the music. They all wore true smiles. Smiles of true joy and happiness.

Malory stood at a distance staring at her husband smiling and being happy with this other woman and her kid. Their kids. She envied them she hated that little girl and her mom for just showing up and taking over his life.

"We need to talk." Jay mouthed over Joans shoulder. She shook her head and mouthed back "not know. Later" he nodded back. Once the song was over Joan lead Erin ot the cake to show her all the pretty colors.

Jay walked over to Malory. She peaked a kiss on his lips. "What was that for?" he asked in shock. "Nothing." she had a smile on her face her dimples showing. There was something else in her eyes.

Erin walked up behind him and Joan tapped on his shoulder. "I tired we go home." Joan told her dad. "Ok good bye see you tomorrow." Jay looked over at Erin. "um yah we had dinner with Hank and Justin at seven but we can get lunch." he nodded. "Sounds good I can't wait." he gave joan and kiss on the forehead and semi hugged Erin.

"Thank you for coming I really enjoyed seeing Jojo. she gave a sleepy smile as Jay tickled her. "Bye bye luv you." she sheepishly told him, voice barely above a whisper,into her moms hair laying her head on her shoulder.

"Her bag is in the coat room on the right just ask for JoJo stuff. She gave him a saddle friendly kiss on his cheek. "Thank you" she whispered in his ear. Her lips brushing his ear sending chills down his spine. He return the gesture giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Anytime." the feeling of his hot breath on her ear made he whole body tingle making her need to touch him. She placed her hand on his chest for stability. Once he pulled back she pushed off of him using her hand. She knew he was staring as she walked away and she was enjoying it all the way to the door.


	4. Same old lang syne

**sorry for not updating sooner my computer was broke and I had to get it fixed. if there is any bad grammar or spelling mistakes please tell me because I didn't look over this story as well. I wrote this chapter longer because of the late upload. I don't know if i will be uploading Sunday or not. thank you for the likes, favorites, reviews and views. please keep them coming. **

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She dreaded telling him that they would meet him for lunch. She lay there and watch as her daughter sleep curled up into a ball on the other side of the bed. She turned her head to survey the mess of a hotel room.

Her clothes from last night were discarded of onto the armchair in the corner. While Joans was neatly hanging on the hook next to the bathroom door. There were toys scattered all over the floor. Erin had normally ran a tight ship but she didn't have the energy or the will to these past couple of days to tell Joan to clean up.

She had scheduled to drop Joan off at Jays around noon. Mallory had to work so she wouldn't be home. She would pick her up around 6:30 and head over to Hanks for dinner. She was going to visit Nadia then, go see the rest of the team this afternoon.

She slipped off the bed her feet landing on the cold hardwood. She started to clean. Hating the mess they had made. She was going to let the maid in today to take their towels and give them new ones and she didn't want her to see the mess that was her daughter.

Once she finished she got ready. She woke up Joan and got her ready. They headed down to the lobby per Joan's request to go down for the free breakfast. They returned upstairs and stayed there until about 11:15 when Erin decided they should get going Knowing that it would take them at least ten minutes to get to the car. And she wanted to be early.

_/_

He slid on the gold band clenching and unclenching his hand a few times still getting used to the feeling of it. He's eyes darted to the top drawer of his nightstand. The little red velvet box, he had recently moved there, was sitting in the back of it.

He knew he couldn't keep it forever but he didn't want to give it back to Will. He had no use for it sense him and Natalie have been married for almost three years.

He slid open the drawer and pulled out the box. Flipping it over in his hands he decided he knew what he was going to do with it. He slid it into his pocket and headed to the kitchen to wait for Erin and Joan.

There was a knock on the door and he stood up from the couch. He opened up the door and Joan came bussiling in. "Hi daddy, Merry Christmas" she said running up to him.

"Hi Jojo merry christmas and happy birthday. I have something for you it over there under the tree. Why don't you go get it and guess what it is. No peeking." she went running across the living room to the tree. "You didn't have to." Erin was looking over his shoulder at Joan.

"I got you something too." he reached into his pocket and pulled out the velvet box. "I wanted you to have this I have no use for this anymore and Will doesn't either so I thought its proper owner should have it."

"you...I..you didnt have too. " the corners of his lips curled up. She shook her head. "Besides, what would i have done with it?"

he placed the box in her palm. She started to rub her thumb over the velvet. She gently lifted the lid to reveal a beautiful but subtle diamond ring. She gasp. "It's.." she was at lost for words. "It's beautiful." she finally stammered out.

"_A beautiful ring for a beautiful woman." _Jay thought to himself. He couldn't tell her that, it would be crossing a very thin line and he was happy with where they were now he didn't want to push it.

"Try it on. It should fit you ring finger but I don't think you want to wear it there." she took the ring out and held it up to the light examining it as it caught the sunlight from the hall window . She slid it on her left middle finger.

"Like a glove." she whispered once it was in place. "Wow, it really does." he placed his fingers behind her's to examine it more closely

. "I probably shouldn't tell Malory should I." he shrugged his shoulders "up to you." he could have imagined giving the ring to anyone else. It was her ring. He had got it for her.

_/_

She sat in her car and stared at the ring on her middle finger. She wiggled it off and placed it on the finger to the left. She sighed staring at it imagining if she would have stayed. If she would have answered the phone.

Her and Jay would be married. They would be raising Joan together and maybe they would have, or be expecting more kids. She felt a single tear roll down her cheek.

She wanted that life she wanted it so bad. She started to sob. She let everything go then pulled it together. She slid the ring back on her middle finger, wiping her eyes.

She pulled out onto the busy street. Her phone started to ring. "Hey, what do you need me to get for tonight?"

She asked picking up the phone and putting it on speaker. "Um, I think I got everything. I actually need to down at the station."

"Ok I will be there in ten." he hung up.

It didn't take her ten minutes to get there. She had forgotten that the traffic in New York and the traffic in Chicago were two different things.

She was about to walk in when the ring on her hand caught the light of the sun. Before she opened the door and slid the ring into her pocket not wanting Hank to see.

She walked up the stairs. "Hey sergent I have a meeting with Hank." she turned her head to see that it wasn't sergeant Platt.

"Where Platt?" she asked the officer at the desk. "Upstairs waiting for a Erin Lindsey." he didn't look up from the computer.

"Thats me can you let me up there please." she was wandering why Platt was need for this. "I'm sorry but I can't do that you have to have permission let me buzz up there." she let out a irritated sigh.

"You can go." he scowled. The door began to buzz and she rushed over and opened it.

"I'm here what's up." she was standing at the top of the stairs. Standing in the corner next to her old desk, that was now empty, was Hank, \ Platt, and her boss form New York.

"Erin, sorry to call you in at this time but Hank called and asked me to come here, I hopped on the next plane here." her boss turned around. "Whats going on?"

She was confused why her boss was there. "Hank and I think that you would be better off working here and chicago." she couldn't help but let her jaw drop. "But I live in New York." she sputtered out.

` "Erin we haven't found a good replacement for you and she agrees that you should move back out here. You can either work for me or work for the FBI here. We already have everything worked out. You will return to New York and finish out the year there. Then you will move back here. We have a house already for you and Joan and we can have movers at you place in New York anytime."

She was speechless. She had thought about moving back to chicago since Joan and Jay had met. She had seen how happy Joan made him and she did enjoy seeing her old friends again.

"Can I get back to you on that?" she asked she was still in shock and couldn't think straight. "you have until the end of the day." Platt spoke for the first time.

"Thank you for the offers I will consider them and get back to you." Erin answered. "I have to be somewhere." she choked out backing down the stairs.

She pushed open the door letting the cold chicago air consume her. She wrapped her coat around her. She slid the ring back onto her finger. She turned on the heat in her car and started to drive to Nadia's. But she took a left. Why did she take a left Nadia's was a right. His was left.

She knocked on his door. "I just got offered a job here with the CPD or the FBI." he opened the door all the way. "Well come in." he motion for her to come in. "Mommy, it hasn't been an hour." Joan was sitting on the ground with icing on her face, she was playing with some dolls Jaymust have given her for her birthday, Christmas or both.

"We were about to play a board game." Jay closed the door behind her. "You guys already had cake?" Erin wiped the icing off of Joans face.

"It was good." Erin let out a chuckle. "Looks like it. What game were you going to play?"

Jay walked out of the bedroom with a stack of board games. "I got candy land, twister, sorry and scrabble." Erin knew he had all of these for his and mallory's nieces and nephews. "What is scrabble?" Joan asked curiously. Erin and Jay both let out a small chuckle.

"It's a word game." Jay explained. "More than that." Erin said with a smile. "Sometimes playing scrabble just means playing scrabble." Erin rolled her eyes.

"Bet you play scrabble with Mallory." Jay placed the boxes on the floor in between Erin and Joan. "actually it is Malleries favorite game." he had a smirk on his face.

"I bet." Joan had started to open the box but was having trouble. "Let me help." Erin started to help her set up the game. Jay sat down next the them.

"Joan in this game you try to make the longest and the most words using all of you letter and getting the most points." Jay explained. "We will help you along the way." Joan nodded as Erin finished setting up.

They played for a couple of hours, helping Joan long the way. "I'm bored can we watch a movie?" Joan asked, Erin was surprised she lasted this long.

"Sure baby." Erin stood up and grabbed the tv remote turning on Netflix and picking a movie as Joan go confortable on the couch.

She started to help Jay clean up. "I need to call Hank and tell him if I want the job here. I was going to ask Joan what she wanted me to do."

They finished cleaning up and joined Joan on the couch. "Baby girl I have a question ok?" she paused the movie. "Mommy?" Joan squealed. "Do you want to move here?" Erin asked.

"Yes mommy can we please?" Erin let out a small chuckle. "Yes after the new year we can." Erin answered. She got up and pulled out her phone, walking down the hall she dialed Hanks number. "Hey me and Joan won't be able to make it tonight she fell asleep at Jays we will stop by tomorrow morning. I will also be taking the job here in Chicago with the CPD." there was silence on the other end of the line.

"See you in the morning." he huffed out then ended the call.

She sat back down on the couch and Joan laid her head on Erin's lap, Erin laying hers on Jay's shoulder. They finished the movie, and turned off the tv.

Erin had her eyes closed, but she wasn't asleep. She was still stroking Joan's hair. "She out." she said not opening her eyes or moving her head. "Mmh I can move her to the other room."

"No, I like it here." a smile crept onto his face. "Me too." he laid his head on hers and closed his eyes.

Jay felt a buzz on his thigh and slid his phone out of his pocket. "Halstead." he answered his voice groggy with sleep. "On my way." he said ending the call.

Erins head was now on his lap. He gently slid out from underneath her and placed an pillow under her head. He grabbed Joan and carried her to the spare room placing her on the bed. He kneeled down by the couch watching her sleep for a few seconds before waking her.

"I have to go to work. You and Joan can stay here of you can leave I put her in the other room. Mallory is on a work trip so she won't be home"

She let out a groan into the pillow. "What time is it?" she sat up on the couch. "Around 3 a.m." she let out another groan. Pulling her wild curls into a ponytail. "I don't want to wake Joan right now so we will stay till around 6 then leave." she pushed off the couch and stood.

Walking to the spare room. Jay walked into the master bedroom and grabbed one of his old shirts, a hoodie and a pair of her old jeggings. He walked into the spare room and watched her kiss Joan on her temple and pull the blanket up higher on her. She turned to see him leaning against the doorway watching her.

"These are for you. You can keep them." he threw the clothes at her. "Thanks." she said yawning. "I should get to work." Erin nodded. "Don't need to get back on Hanks bad side." she joked. "Mhm." he said in response turning for the master bathroom.

Erin changed into his shirt, it was the shirt Mallory had been wearing a couple of days ago. Sliding, under the covers, next to her daughter she turned off the bedside light and curled herself around the toddler.

Jay had finished showering and was brushing his teeth. He leaned in the doorway, of the spare room, looking at Erin and Joan sleeping peacefully.

He was only wearing a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. He let a smile crept onto his face. Erin began to stir turning on her other side.

Her eyes still closed "Most people would classify watching someone sleep as stalking." Jay couldn't help but look embarrassed. "Good thing you weren't sleeping then." he retorted.

She let out a small laugh. "I probably was when you started." she was still laying there with her eyes closed, their voices barely above a whisper making sure not to wake Joan.

"I thought you had to get going?" she asked breaking the silence. "Probably should be but I just had to see Joan one more time." he lied.

She saw right through it. "Well you best be on your way." he just hummed an answer. He like seeing her in his shirt in his house.

He pushed off the door and placed his tooth brush back in its respected spot. She was sitting at the kitchen island with as glass of water.

"Good morning." he said seeing that the light was on. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked. "Not with someone watching me." she sarcastically answered. "I stopped watching you."

"By then i was awake and was not going back to sleep." she sipped on her water. "You can help yourself to a glass of water." he sarcastically pointed to the glass of water sitting in front of her.

"Thank you." she whispered. He grabbed his mug from the coffee machine and slid another one in its spot. "I should get going, your coffees almost done."with that he slid out of the apartment.


	5. someday

**Sorry this chapter took so long I have been busie with school and travelling lately. I also have a bad case of writer block but now the ideas are back and I will attempt to update this story mire frequently. I enjoy all reviews and suggestions**.

They had returned to the hotel room early the next morning from Hanks house. They had a late afternoon flight to catch and their hotel room was a mess. Joan was playing with her toys while Erin clean up the room.

"Jo you need start to clean up we have to get going." Joan grabbed her dolls and put them in her bag. "All done." Erin finished zipping up the last suitcase. "Good job baby." she grabbed the handle of their bags. "Let's go then." there was a pounding on the door. "Hold that thought." she opened up the door.

"Are you sleeping with my husband?" Mallory questioned the door barely open. "Well nice to see you too." Erin flipped the safety lock so that the door wouldn't close on her. "Answer my damn question."

"Why would you ever think that I was. We have both moved on from each other." Erin was shocked that Mallory had came here and asked her that. "Because I found your stuff at my house this morning?"

"Joan stayed the night a few nights ago. She got scared and I Came over to comfort her." Mallory shook her head. "Wow you are such a good liar."

"You don't get to come here and accuse me of sleeping with your husband then tell me that I'm lying. Now if you will excuse me. My daughter and I Have a plane to catch we will see you in a couple of months." Mallory rolled her eyes. "Ugh. whatever." Erin didn't respond she just slid into the room. "Jo you ready?"

"Yes mama." the little girl came running at her with her book bag on. "Let's go shall we." climbing into the rental she thought about all she was leaving behind this time.

"Mommy, what did Mallory want?" Joan sounded nervous to ask the question Erin had guess she heard her and Mallory in the hall. "It was nothing baby she just asked why we were there the other night." Erin explained in a calm tone.

"I didn't like that she was yelling at you." Erin shook her head. "Me neither baby. You ready to go home?" she saw Joan rapidly shaking her head in the rearview mirror. "I can't wait to tell all of my friends about my dad." she said excitedly. "Then let's go."

The lines in the airport were shorter than Erin had thought. For it being a couple days after Christmas. The airport was very empty. They had gotten onto the plane and sat down in only an hour and a half. Joan sat next to her with the window seat, a sacrifice she would only make for her, playing her Ipad. Erin reached into her bag and pulled out the novel she was reading.

Half way throughout the flight Joan had fallen asleep her tablet laying on her lap as she relaxed against Erin. Erin resituated herself.

Being short had it perks when traveling. She could easily and comfortably fit into airplane, and train seats. Joan had her legs curled up under her and her head laying on erins lap. The rest of the flight went smoothly except of a bit of turbulence.

Upon arriving at the airport Erin was greeted by Charlotte one of her friends from work. "Hey you didn't have to come get us." she waved her hand in the air. "It was no big deal besides what else was I going to do on a friday night.'

"Mommy, I'm hungry and I miss daddy." Joan started to pull on Erins pant leg. Picking her up and placing her on her hip. "Why don't we go get some food and you know you will be seeing your dad when we go back to Chicago in a few months." the little girls face lit up at the sound of food. "Can we get Donalds?" she started to bounce on her mom's arm. "Sure I Don't have the energy to fight today."

"Yay I luv Donalds."

Later that Erin couldn't stop thinking about what Mallory had said to her. How could she think that Erin would sleep with her husband. She might still have feelings for the guy but she would never make him cheat on his wife just to be with her.

She hated to think about stuff like that. How could anyone ever think or act like that. Mallory didn't like her and she wasn't going to push her too.

She knew that not everyone was going to like her and she also knew that she didn't have to like everyone. But if she was going to be in joans life Erin would at least fake liking her. If not for Joan then for Jay.


	6. one more day

Jay walked in to the apartment after work to find mallory passed out on the couch. He walked into the kitchen and pulled out a beer. Sitting down next to her on the couch he turned on a baseball game and attempted to watch it. He couldnt stop thinking about Erin long enough to focus on it. Mallory started to stir next to him. "Hey when did you get home?" her voice was still full of sleep. "About half an hour ago, I didnt want to wake you," she nodded and layed her head on his shoulder. "I talked to Erin before she left," Jay turned his head to look at her. "I asked her if she was sleeping with you because you wont touch me and we've been married for almost two weeks now," jay stood up in front of her. "You did what?"

Mallory rolled her eyes. "I just asked her a question. Besides what does it matter to you?" she stood up and looked him in the eyes she was almost a head taller than erin making her a few inches shorter that Jay. "she is the mother of my child and at one time she was my best friend," he took a step back.

"She didn't even tell you about the child so why does it matter?" mallory took a step forward. Jay just stood there. He suddenly relized that Mallory was jelous of Erin and that she feared her taking Jay away. Mallory knew she had Jay wrapped around her finger. She could say or doing anything and get what she wanted.

She had been preparing for the party all week. The new years eve work party was being held at Erin's this year. She was glad she had the week off to plan for it. It was a good distraction from what had just happened over christmas weekend. She stood on the ladder hanging decorations as charlotte stood below her sipping her wine. "A little to the left." she took a sip. "I would be better if i had some help." charlotte rolled her eyes.

"Wait so he told you that he would stop his wedding for you then if you told him you loved him, but you waited til the hour before to walk in all sexy and he told you that you were too late." Erin sighed "i don't want to talk about this right now or at all. How were your boyfriend's parents?" she ask picking up the hammer. "Well he was sick so we didn't end up going til the next day and his mom was very racist she kept say that i wasn't suitable. So you still like him Erin this is big you are moving to Chicago," Erin hammered in the nail to hold the banner in place. "Thank you i know i am. I don't know if i like him. Besides even if i did he is married it isn't in the card anymore," Erin said climbing down. She grabbed her glass of wine from the table.

"Oh honey it is still in the cards you just got to make good plays," Charlootte said winking at the end. "I am not going to be a homewreaker." charlotte rolled her eyes. "Honey if anyone is the home wrecker it's that bitch,"

"She is not a bitch. She is…." Erin trailed off. "Exactly just say it she's a bitch," Erin rolled her eyes. They heard Joan stumbling down the stairs.

"Mama I Hungry," her feet made little padding sounds on the wood floor. "what do you want for lunch,"

"cheese sandwich" Charlotte let out a chuckle. "what's a cheese sandwich? She asked. Erin had started to grab the stuff. "it's a grilled cheese. Do you want one too?" Erin laid out the butter, cheese and bread. "I don't know are they good?" she asked Joan. "yes mama makes the really good." she exaggerated the word really. "I'll have what she's having," Erin laughed "sounds like a plan," she started the stove top and put a pan on top.

"two grilled cheese. What would you all like to drink?"

"what you got?" Erin opened up the fridge. "water, juice, milk, chocolate Milk and coffee." Charlotte slid her wine glass to Erin and Joan whispered in her ear. "I want a refill and the little one wants apple juice in a sippy cup," Erin pulled at the carton of apple juice. She slid the plates to them across the breakfast bar as the both sit on a stool. She poured the juice into Joan sippy cup. Then grabbed Charlotte wine glass and filled it half full. "anything else?" Joan shook her head. "I good"

"me too." Charlotte agreed. Erin rolled her eyes. Her phone ping signalling a message. "Ye the boss called off the party said a major blizzard is going to hit in about twenty minutes and we are supposed to get up to ten feet if snow and no work Monday." Erin wore a smile the size if Texas.

"Oh shit," she dropped her phone and it fell to the ground. "Can you watch Joan for a few?" She asked Charlotte as she ran up the stairs. "Yah I can watch her for a few hours sure what's wrong," erin shook her head pulling out her suitcase for the second time this month. "No I mean days or weeks im not sure," charlotte grabbed her shoulders.

"Ok girl breathe lets talk this over ok," Erin let out a few shaking breathes. "Hanks been shot," she stated in the verge of tears. Joan hadn't even noticed. "Ok let's get going a red eye leaves for Chicago in about two hours there's a few seats left I can get you a cheap ticket," she said as wrin got up and started to throw clothes in her bag.

"Joan mommy's got to go somewhere for work but she will be home soon aunt Charlotte is going to take care of you while I'm gone ok." She said giving her a kis on the forehead. "Bye mommy love you," she wrapped her arms around Erin's leg then let go.

Erin raced towards her gate. She had to hurry Hank needed her.

**A/****N: sorry for the short chapter. I have hit a writers block for this story and have put it on hiatus. i hope to continue it in a few months thank you for all the love a d support. -MM**


	7. Brand New Day

**This one is a little longer but I thought because I haven't updated in a month so enjoy i hope to be updating more frequently. As usual please RR. disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the show only the ones that I have created. They are owned by NBC and Dick Wolf. Enjoy**

**Reupload:sorry for the error I don't know what went wrong, thank you all for telling me so I could get it fixed**.

Of course there was a delay. It's how her life worked. When she didn't want to be somewhere she got there with time to spare but when she needed to be somewhere she was always late. She sat in one of the uncomfortable airport chairs at JFK, frantically texting Kim trying to get some information from her on what was going on there. "Not boarding flight 172 red eye to order" rang of the loudspeaker. The snow must have slowed down a little for them to at least be boarding. She grabbed her carry on size suitcase and her purse and walked up to the boarding counter. "Enjoy your flight," the cheering storedress said as she scanned her ticket.

More uncomfortable seats. Her seatmates would not have been her first pick. To her right was a lady who looked 60, she wore a pearl necklace and a jacket and suit that looked like they were worth more than her yearly salary. On the left, she had a middle age man a little older than her that was already asleep and snoring. She wanted to turn to the lady next to her and ask where her tiny purse dog was. However hard she tried she could not fall asleep because of this guys snoring. A plus to traveling with Joan was that she always had the seat next to her open. She out her earbuds in and turned on her music. It was going to be a long three and a half hours.

When they landed at o'hare airport she texted KIm to send a Patrolman to come get her. She exited the plane and headed for the doors weaving through the others passengers. It was 9:45 pm chicago time. When she got out of the doors she saw a blonde with wave hair holding a sign with her name on it.

"I'm Jays partner, Hailey. I was out of town last time you came to visit," Erin was impatient and wanted to go see hank. "Erin, Jays ex-Partner,ex-girlfriend and moth…" she stopped she didn't know if he had revealed that to her yet. "We should get to the hospital," they got into a black chevy truck that she knew was Jays. "Has he told you?" Erin asked. "About Joan, no but the guys have told me, I think he wants to it's just he doesn't like to talk about you around me. None of them do," Erin pulled out her phone and found the photo of Jay and Joan dancing she had taken at the reception before she addressed her presence.

Once they stopped at a stop light she showed her the picture. It was her favorite of them together besides the one that was taken at the wedding. Jay had ahold of Joans hand she was mid air as he spun her around they both had on the same smile. "That is so cute. I have never seen him smile like that accept for the few times he talked about you," Erin took her phone back. They drove the rest of the way to chicago med in silence. "They're Not letting anyone but family in so we are sitting in the waiting room," Haiely explained as they walked in. Erin walked up to the lady at the front desk. "Hi, I'm here to see Hank Voight," the lady clicked some keys on her computer and pulled up his file. "Are you family?" she asked looking up at her over the screen. "Yes I'm his daughter," the lady clicked some more keys and pulled up his room number. "He's in room 276,"

"Thank you, can I bring my husband with me?" Erin asked. "I'm not supposed to do this but since your dad is an old friend sure," Erin nodded. " I promise not to tell," Erin said with a smile. The lady smiled back. She walked over to Jay and told him he could come with her. "How did I get access to come up here?" he asked as they stood in the elevator. "You are his son in law," the elevator shuddered to a stop and they got off finding room 276.

There was a blond doctor in black scrubs standing at the table at the end of the bed. "Hi, I'm Dr Bekker," she had an accent that neither could place. "Erin lindsey, Hanks daughter," Dr.Bekker shook her hand and nodded at Jay. "Jay nice to see you again. I didn't know you were family," Dr. Bekker directed to jay. "I'm not. Erins…." he blanked what was she to him his ex girlfriend, the woman he loved, loves, "we have a kid together," Erin answered for him," Dr.Bekker nodded.

"Well your father is in critical condition. He was shot in the chest. When he collapsed he broke his third and fourth ribs on the left side puncturing his lung. I got him into surgery and repaired his lung and removed the bullet but he lost a lot of blood and we don't know if he is going to wake up from his coma,"

Erin gasped and covered her mouth this her hand. "I will give you time with him," the doctor said before leaving. Erin turned into Jays chest. He rubbed her back as she clutched his shirt tighter in her fist. The front of his shirt was soaked but he didn't pay attention to it. "It's going to be ok, he's strong he'll pull through," he whispered soothing words in her ear as she let all her feelings out.

They had been there for hours. Erin had been sleeping in one of the chairs but she was now up and pacing the length of the room in front of the bed. Jay sat in one of the chairs in the corner. "You should go Monica or whatever is probably missing you," Erin said breaking the silence they had fallen into. "It Mallory and she's out of town. Erin I'm not going anywhere and so do you," Jay answered softly. She began to pace again. "Come here," Jay stood up and reached out his hand signalling for her to come over to him. She walked up to him. Her eyes were filled with tears but she was too stubborn to let him see her cry. They sat there her cheek pressed to his chest as she stared at Hanks lifeless body. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. Jay didn't notice till her body began to tremble against him and the front of his shirt was damp again. He began to rub her back. His other wrapped around her waist. They eased back in the chair. Erin was sitting on his knees his hand still on her back and around her waist.

Erin fell asleep about an hour later. At about 10:45 her phone rang. Jay grabbed it and answered it. "Hello," he answered his voice deep with sleep. "Who is this and why are you answering " A female voice answered. He was silent for a moment. "Um..Jay halstead and may I ask who this is," Ge finally answered. "I'm Charlotte Jackson, Erin's best friend, Joan wanted to talk to Erin and watch the ball drop with her. She might want to talk to you though," he heard muffled speaking.

"Hi daddy, I miss you," the four year old stated. "I miss you too, baby, what are you doing up so late," he asked it was 11:50 in New York. "Ita new years eve I want to watch the ball drop," she let out a yawn of exhaustion. "Mommy said one day when I'm older we can go watch it," he could hear the smile in her words. "Can I talk to mommy I miss her too," Jay looked down at Erin she had her head nestled into his chest, her legs draped over his lap, hanging over the arm of the chair and her arms around the waist. "I have to wake her up hang on 'kay"

"I want to video you," she said Jay was confused. He realised that she wanted to facetime him. "Ok I'm going to get my ipad so you can see me and your mom ok," he asked. "Ok I'll call you back," she hung up and Jay placed Erin's phone on the table next to the chair grabbing his iPad from it.

He gently shook Erin. "Er, Joan want to facetime with her mom." Erin let out a groan and stretched in his arms. "M'kay I'm up," she moved her head. His tablet began to ring. "Hi, daddy and mommy I miss you so much," Joan Was sitting on a chair in the living room. "We miss you too baby, where's aunt Charlotte?" Erin asked. Joan turned the screen to the couch. "Over there. She's on the phone with Alex," Joan stuck out her tongue making a face that made Erin and Jay laugh. "Turn on the TV their about to drop the ball," Erin grabbed the remote from the table and turned on NBC turning the volume down. "It's on we are watching it now," they sat there in silence. "Mommy look what aunt charlotte gave me," Joan held up a glass of apple juice. "Don't spill it on the chair ok, i don't want a mess when i get home," Jay hadn't said a word but he didn't want to ruin the moment. The scene was so domestic him and erin snuggled up on a chair, her head on his shoulder his atop of hers, talking to their daughter. They started to count down. Joan had rushed over to the couch and gave charletto a kiss on the cheek. Then blew a kiss to each to the screen. They blew their kisses back to her at the same time. "It's time for bed now monkey get to sleep love you night," Jay said about ten minutes later. "Night daddy, love you. Night mommy, love you," erin smiled "love you too, you better go straight to sleep no nonsense," she instructed, "ok bye," the call ended.

"You did good," Jay said placing the tablet down turning towards her. "We did good, she's a lot like you ya know," jay laughed. "Really I think she's more like you stubborn, sassy,smart and she has a smile that could light up any room," erin smiled at that. "And there it is that smile,"

They sat and talked for another 45 minutes till an alarm went off on Jays phone. "Happy new year," he said turning the alarm off. "Happy new year," Erin responded. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. He looked at her confused. "You kiss someone at midnight to purify the evil," she stated. He returned the kiss on the cheek and she got up and kissed hank on the cheek. "Wake up soon we need you here,"


	8. Wake up we need you here

About a week had past. Erin was staying at Jays in guest bedroom while Mallory was on a business trip per usual. though Erin was rarely there. She spent most of her time at the hospital sitting in a chair next to Hanks bed, talking to him, pleading him to wake up. She called Joan every night to read to her to sleep. One day she got a call from her boss. "Lindsey, we need you back here tonight,"

"Why?" she asked. "We got a tip on a drug shipment coming in to that warehouse out teams been watching for months and Ramirezis out sick," Erin rolled her eyes. They couldn't force him to come into work. "I'll be at the office at 6 am tomorrow," she said hanging up the phone. She patted Hanks hand and kissing his cheek. "You better be awake when I get back ya hear," she gently shut the door and turned down the corridor. Bumping into Jay.

"Hey, uh, I got to head back to New York tonight. I'll be back in a few days," he looked at her skeptical. "Are you sure your ready to get back to work. With hank like this I mean," she smiled at his conserene. "I'll be fine it's just a quick in and out. I'll be back before you know it, but thank you for the concern," he smiled.

It was the first time he'd seen her smile all week. "Well be safe out there the roads are slick and here's the spare key," he handed the key over pressing the cold metal against her palm. He noticed that she was wearing his ring. He had noticed it other times when they were at the hospital and when they were home alone. But she never wore it around Mallory. "I'll be fine. I've driven in the snow before. I used to live here and New York gets snow too,"

"I know you have but I can still worry about," she rolled her eyes. "You've been around Hank to long. There's no need to worry," she slipped the key in her jacket pocket. "I'll leave it under the mat," he nodded. "Tell my girl I miss her," she slipped her purse up more on her shoulder. "I will," she gave him a lasting kiss on the cheek. Loving the way his 5 o'clock shadow felt against her lips. She turned and left.

When she got to the apartment she started to throw clothes into her carry on suitcase. Leaving most of her clothes and her big suitcase there. She arrived at the airport later than she liked. Making it to the terminal as they were boarding. Her row mates were a young mother and her baby.

Half way through the flight the baby started to cry the mother was having trouble getting it to quiet down and people were groaning and complaining. "May I?" Erin asked reaching for the baby. "Uh yah," Erin took the baby and rested it on her shoulder. Rubbing soothing shaped on its back she got its crying to subside and it to fall asleep. "Wow you are a miracle worker," the mother said. "Far from it. I have a four year old daughter at home. Her dad lives in Chicago

and we live in New York. I've done this a few times," Erin replied with a laugh. "Im "Im Lillian and that is Jackson," she introduced reaching out her hand. "Erin my daughters name is Joan," she gently shook her hand.

"Might I ask why your husband and you live so far apart," Erin was confused on what lead the girl to think that Jay was her husband. Then she remembered her ring. "Uh he cheated on me. So I found a new job in a new place," she said with a smile. "I am so sorry," Erin shrugged. "Its ok we are still friends and he has a new wife. It's harder to find someone when you have a four year old kid who takes up all your time," Erin moved Jackson to her chest and switched arms.

"So what brings you guys to New York?" Erin finally asked. "I go to college in Chicago and my parents live in New York, but they don't know about him and I don't want to drop out of college to take care of him singing that I only have a year left. I was hoping that they would take him." she explained. "Well if it doesn't work out with you parents I can always take him for the year. I'm actually moving to chicago in August," the girl smiled. "I will keep that in mind thank you," they exchanged numbers and talked the rest of the plane ride. Erin had forgot how good babies smelled. Once they landed Erin handed Jackson back to Lillian and they parted ways.

She hailed a cab and arrived at her place. Walking in she noticed it was vacant. Joan was probably at school and Charlotte was at work. She ran her suitcase up to her room unpacking and replacing some of the clothes for new ones because she was tired of wearing the same outfits every day. She went down to the kitchen and made herself a sandwich. Joan would be heading to daycare soon. She grabbed her phone and dialed the Preschool. Telling them to drop her off at her house instead of daycare today. Then she called the daycare and told them she would not be there today. She put Lillian's number on her phone. Sitting on the barstool she decided to surprise Joan with cookies.

The cookies were done and Erin was waiting for Joan to get home when her phone rang.

CHICAGO

Jays head pecked up from between his legs as there was a soft knock on the door. It was the Dr. Bekker. "Where is Miss Lindsey?" she asked. "She had work back in New York so she's on her way there ," Dr. Bekker patted him on the shoulder.. "I can tell you love her," Jay looked at her confused. "I'm sorry Ava but I'm married to another woman,"

"I thought that you two were together because I swear almost every time I walk by to check you two are cuddled up on the chair either asleep or so off in your own world that you don't notice me," Jay blushed. "We were together many years ago. We have a daughter together," Dr.Bekker nodded understanding. "Well then, Mr. Voight is showing no sign of progress. However he is also not showing overwhelming signs of disimprovement,"

"What do you mean?" Jay asked confused. "His blood pressure is dropping slightly more each day and his brain activity is also slowly declining. Our major concern is his brain activity i'm going to get someone from nero in here to explain it better to you later on. We can give him medication if his blood pressure takes a dramatic drop. A nurse will come in every hour to check on him and Dr. Abrams from neurology will come by later to check on his brain activity,"

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I started high school this week and I had like three different versions of this chapter. Me being the indecisive person I am I had to read them with the other chapters and make sure they work then I chose the best (I hope) and tweeked it. The next chapter will be a little different. Per usual please RR and tell me what you think and any and all mistakes are mine


	9. Good Ole Days

**I took a different approach with this. I dont know how I feel about it. So tell me what you think. still dont own them. RR. Please.**

Erin picked up the phone. "Mrs Lindsey, your daughter seems to have had an allergic reaction. She is at the hospital now," Erin grabbed her keys, coat and purse. "I'm on my way now what hospital," the daycare coordinator rattles off the information as Erin gets in her car. "I'm on my way to know," she drove to the hospital dialing Jay. "Hey, Er, everything ok. Uh, yeah it's just Jo had an allergic reaction today at daycare. I thought you would want to know," she pulled in to the hospital. She remembered the last time she went to this walk in clinic.

2017

Erin sat on the floor her head against the toilet seat of Charlotte's apartment. They were having their usual Friday wine and gossip night. It was how they had always ended the week since Erin's second week there. "Girl you were only half a glass in," Charlotte walked in and set her glass on the counter. "Are you ok?" She asked bending over pulling her friends short hair into the best ponytail she could. "I'm two months late," she said to the air. "I'll go down to the corner store and but a couple test," she stood up and helped Erin up.

Erin stood in the entryway leading to the door pacing the short distance waiting for Charlotte to get back from the store. She heard the key turn in the latch and stopped pacing. She grabbed the bag from Charlotte before she could say anything. She drank two glasses of water a few minutes before and had to pee.

Once she had peed on all ten sticks. She told Charlotte that was too many she slumped against the bathroom door. Charlotte crouched next to her. They watched as the time counted down. "Your going to be a good mom ok so stop beating yourself up," the time went off. Erin got up and grabbed one of the sticks. "I can do it, you look," she handed the stick to Charlotte. Flipping it over she looked at Erin. "Its negative,"

Erin looked at her a tear rolling down her cheek. "What?" She felt like the wind was knocked out of her. Negative. That was good right she had just moved here she couldn't handle a baby. What would her boss think of her. What would Jay think. He had moved on. Not that she had been Instagram stocking him. "That's great..right..I did want a baby to begin with so it great," Charlotte stood in front of her grabbing her hands. "Then this is great news," Erin nodded. Charlotte handed her a tissue. She dabbed her eyes. How could she feel like she lost something she never had.

This makes sense she had been tortured and abused she had done so many drugs but her body through so much stress she probably would never had kids.

"Negative are you sure?" She asked. "No its positive," Charlotte said handing her the test to look at. "I lied," Erin flipped the plastic stick in her hand reading the word on the small screen over and over. She walked to the counter and flipped over the other test. They were all positive.

"You lied I hate you and you psychiatrist brain," Erin said punching Charlotte in the shoulder. "I should get an appointment just to make sure," Erin says throwing away all the sticks except for the one in her hand. "Just go In to the walk in. You will get in sooner and it will be a lot easier." Charlotte prompted. "You drive wait, you've had a full bottle of wine. I drive," Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she grabbed her jacket.

2021

"Hi I'm here for my daughter Joan Lindsey she had an allergic reaction today at daycare," the nurse at the counter slowly tapped the keys on the surface In front of her. She pulled up the file. "Curtain three," she said looking up at Erin. "Thank you so much," she gave the woman a smile and rushed off to curtain three

"Mommy what are you doing here?" Joan asked as she slipped through the curtain. She had a small rash on her neck. "I came back to get you. Your daddy has missed you so much he keeps bugging me and I just got so annoyed I rushed here to get you," she sat on the edge of the hospital bed and Joan climbed on her lap. "I'm all good mommy, just some bumps," Erin laughed. She had told Joan that every time she came home with bruises and cuts. "I know baby you just scared mommy," she her fingers through Joan's soft curly hair. "I sorry I didn't mean to," Erin smiled looking down at her daughter. "Its ok, mommy's better now. Are you ready to go home so we can get ready to surprise daddy," she nodded her head vigorously.

"Yes pwease," she climbed off the bed and slipped her shoes on. The doctor came to explain the medicine regime with her. She took the white paper bag from her. Signing her discharge papers. The doctor explained to her what Joan had eat and what they thought they should ignore till they find out what it was exactly. "Her dad allergic to peanuts and strawberries if that helps," the doctor scribbled on her paper. She thanked Erin and left. Erin remembered the time she found out that Jay was allergic to strawberries.

2015

They had been on a twelve hour stakeout outside of an abandoned school. "I'm hungry," Erin commented putting her binoculars on her lap. "Your always hungry," Jay said laughing. Not moving his gaze from the front door. "There's a fresh bakery about half a mile from here. I'm going to go check it out, want anything?" She asked pulling her binoculars and camera on the consel between them. "I'll take a pastry if they have one that looks good," he says. She walked to the corner bakery and ordered a strawberry and an apple pastries and two coffees. She waited for her order than walked back to the car with the cardboard cup carrier and the brown paper bag. She climbed back into her seat and handed him a coffee. "What's in the bag?" Erin pulled out the apple pastry and gave it to him. "Its apple," he set his coffee down and grabbed the white sleeve. "Thanks," she pulled hers out and took a bite. Letting out a sigh as the flaky crust and sweet jam filled her mouth. She looked over at Jay to see he had ate almost all of his. She took a bite of his. It tasted amazing they had the same crust but his had more of a cinnamon flavor and not as tart as hers. "This ones better," she offered it to him. "I'll take your word for it," he said pushing her hand away. "Not a fan of strawberries?" Erin asked finishing off her pastry. "I'm allergic," he said sipping his coffee. "Noted,"


	10. Sorry

**Ok guys so I don't know how I feel about this one. Again I still don't own them expect for my OCs, all mistakes are mine, and lastly please RR- MC**

When they got home Erin gave Joan her medicine to take with her apple juice and gave her a cookie. "Thank you mommy, I love you," she sat at the counter and ate her cookie and drank her juice. Erin called charlotte and explained to her that she was home and that the daycare and knew she was not there. She also told her that they would be going to Chicago for a while

"Mommy guess what I can spell my name," Erin looked up from her computer where she was reading the file on the rade tomorrow. "Can you tell me how?" She asked. Joan nodded. "I need a piece of paper pwease," Erin ripped a piece of paper from her notebook and handed her a pencil. Joan moved her cup and grabbed the pencil. She wrote her name J-o-A-n in big squiggly letters. "See looked, I can't spell my last names yet," Erin look a picture of it with her phone and sent it to Jay. "Did you tell daddy," Erin nodded. "I just did, I'll tell you what he says ok," Joan nodded grabbed her baby doll from the stool next to her and ran up the stairs to her room. Her phones pinged about twenty minutes later.

J:tell her I'm proud of her and that i couldn;t do that till I was 5.

Erin laughed.

E: Really?

J: Yah are you judging me.

E: I thought you said you were smart?

J: I am now but we all start somewhere right. What age were you when you learned to write your name?

E: 3 . And mine has more letters and is harder to spell.

J: She's got a quick growing brain like her mother.

E: Yah right if her brain is like her mother's she is doomed.

J: Your good at some stuff.

E: *You're

J: See

Joan came down the stairs. "Mommy has he answered," Erin nodded. "He said you are very smart and that he didn't know how to spell his name until he was five, Joan reached for the plate if cookies. "No more, I'm about to start supper do you want to help?" Joan nodded. Erin placed her on the counter next to the stove top where she had a pot of water heating up . She let her break the noodles and put them in boiling water for the pasta ."Do you have work tomorrow?" Joan asked as she stirred the noodles. "Only for a couple of hours, then we can go see daddy and grandpa Hank," Erin said grabbing a jar of sauce from the corned cabinet. "Is Mallory going to be there?' Joan asked. "I don't know why don't you call daddy and ask him," she helped Joan off the counter and handed her her phone.

Joan ran off into the living room. "Hi daddy I miss you too. I have a question…" Erin heard from the kitchen as she finished their supper. About five minutes later Joan came back. "She will be and he wants to talk with you," she handed her the phone. Erin stepped out of earshot before she began to talk. "Is he ok?" She asked worried. "Yah he's fine but Mallory is not happy that you have been staying at the apartment and that I'm spending most the day with you?" She presumed he was in the hallway or she wasn't in the room.

"Ok I was going to get a hotel room when I got back anyway so that Joan can have her space and Mallory won't have to deal with her," Erin's voice had a hint of bitterness in it. "Mallory loves having Joan around," Jay defended. "Yah she shows it every time I'm around and I know she doesn't like me," Erin didn't like her either but that was beside the point. "She says she has news but that she wants you and Joan to be there," Erin rolled her eyes of course she would want to brag about whatever it is. "We should be there tomorrow night if all goes well,"

"Everything will be just fine," Jay reassured her. She sighed "I've already been to the hospital once this week," she sighed. "What happened?" Jay asked sounding frantic, "Joan had an allergic reaction to something she ate at lunch and yes I did tell the doctor about your allergies,"

"Just checking, I have to go Mallory's back," Erin's phone went silent. She sat down in the chair and huffed. "Mommy is super ready," Joan asked. "Not yet about five more minutes," Erin said standing up from the chair to check on the bread and pasta. "But I'm hungry now," squealed Joan. "Joan Jay do not squel at me," Erin said. "But I'm hungry now I can't wait five minutes," she began to stomp her feet and tears were rolling down her red cheeks. "Now, now, now," Erin had learned to just let her scream it out till she got tired. She would get her tablet taken away for night.

Erin got out two plates and forks while Joan sat on the floor her cheeks less red and tear stand with her arms folded over her chest. "Joan you want to come eat," she silently shook her head. "Joan please come eat," Erin said a little more forcefully. "Mhm" Joan hummed shaking her head. "Joan Jay it is time to eat ," Erin said trying not to raise her voice. "I'm not hungry," Erin rolled her eyes she walked up to her and picked her up from under her armpits. "Eat you pasta, please for mommy," Joan picked up her fork and cautiously took a bite. She ate the rest in silence.

When they had finished and Erin was clearing the table Joan came in carrying her iPad. "Not tonight you yelled at me remember," Joan groan and threw the tablet on the table. It wasn't very forceful but it still made a loud sound. "Joan Jay don't do that ten minutes time out and you don't get it tomorrow afternoon either. Joan huffed walking over to the timeout chair that was next to the fridge.

Later when Erin had finished reading the chapter if their nightly chapter to her and was tucking Joan in.

"I'm sorry mommy," whispered Joan as her mom gave her a kiss on the forehead. "It's ok baby just try to be a little bit nicer ok," she grabbed the quilt "arms in or out," Joan raised her arms up. "Out ," Erin tucked the blanket around her. "Snug as a bug in a rug," she tucked the rest of the corners in around her. "Tighter," Erin generally shovels ed them in a little bit more. "Night baby love you," she said clicking off the table lmao and turning in her night light. "Love you too mommy,"


	11. Cuts and Bruises

Thank y'all so much for the reviews. I would especially like to thank Guest: Illse you review about not making mallory pregnant got me thinking about how bad of an idea that was. So I changed it. I also just wanted to thank you for reviewing on every chapter and being supportive. I also want to thank the rest of you who read this and appreciate all the work I put into them. You know how it goes please RR, and I still don't own them and all mistakes are mine. Please enjoy . -MC

Erin stepped out of the FBI issued black suv. She had escaped the trade with minor injuries being dismissed by the on site EMTS. As she neared her desk she removed her gun and holster and her badge from her belt.. Opening the top drawer of her desk placing them on top of a stack of old case files. Then she opened the bottom drawer and pulled out her change of clothes. They would have a debriefing in a few hours and she couldn't be roaming around the office in the dusty, sweaty clothes she was wearing.

She took a shower in the locker room and pulled her hair into a bun on the back of her head. She smoothed out her white button down and her light grey skirt. She checked herself one more time before turning on her heel and leaving. She sat at her desk for the next couple of hours only getting up to get coffee and go to the bathroom. She had finished all the work she missed the past couple of weeks and was just sitting at her desk when Charlotte walk into her office.

Knocking on her door frame she walked in. "Hey babe how's it going?" Charlotte was sitting at her desk with her head in her hands her black hair creating a curtain. "I don't know what happened on moment I was standing there in the command room on the phone with him the next he ..he shot himself in the throat. He had so much to live for his wife was about to have a baby," Erin stood next to her and gently turned her chair towards her. "Honey look at me you did all you could," she was now squatting in front of her with her hands on Charlotte's knees."You are amazing at your job the best I've ever seen and I'm not just saying that because im your friend I'm saying that because it's true. Me and you we are changing the world and saving lives but sometimes that requires losing a couple of people along the way is just going to happen and when it does we just have to think about the people we saved," Erin gestured towards the pictures of smiling families and people that she had saved over the years and had sent her photos and thank you letters. "I know Er but sometimes it's hard and it just keeps getting harder. I mean look at you. You've got someone to go home to at night. All I got is Edwin and he is much company," Erin laughed. "I like Edwin he's so cute," Charlotte smiled. "Yah its real cute when he drools and pees all over your clothes,"

"Him never he is the sweetest big baby I've ever met," Charlotte rolled her eyes "you got the big baby thing right every night when I get home he's just sitting in front of the door looking like I abandoned him," Erin smiled "Joan has been begging me for a pet since we're moving to Chicago but I don't know how I would manage her, whatever is going on between Jay and I and a new job plus a new pet,"

"Don't forget about your new bestie Mallory. I can't believe your leaving me here alone with my dog," Charlotte sighed dramatically. "You could always come with. I bet they have a job there for you," just then another agent walked in. "Lindsey we have a debriefing in board room 15," Erin stood up from where she had slumped onto the ground. "Got it," she slipped her heels back on. "Come with us tomorrow see how you like it take a tour with Joan because she won't want to be cooped up in the hospital all week. It'll be fun," Erin bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Think about it," she said walking out the door and down the hall.

The debriefing went by quickly. Erin shared her thoughts where she thought needed. Once it was over she grabbed her gun, badge, and her expensive oversized suitcase purse as she called it. Charlotte had insisted she bought it. She swiped her badge and selected the parkgarage level her car was on.. she hit the button on her key fob that unlocked her car. Throwing her purse and some files she needed to review on the seat next to her she shut the door and started the car. It was only a 10 mile drive from the office to her house but in New York traffic at 3 PM she was lucky to make it home in an hour.

Joan was asleep on the couch when she got home. She paid Cassidy and gave her a tip for working on such short notice. Setting her purse and keys on the kitchen counter than went up stairs to start packing. Taking out the clothes she had brought and throwing in some new ones she did a quick scan of her room making sure she wasn't forgetting anything. She zipped up the bag and set it by the door. Their plane was at seven. She started to pack Joan some clothes making sure that they matched and looked good. She had finish packing. She grabbed Joan's favorite stuffed bear and her tablet.

The good thing about the oversized purse was she could fit a lot in it. She had her computer, work files, her phone, wallet, keys, and Joan's tablet she also had all of the chargers they needed plus so random little things. Joan had woken up at started wat watching some cartoons on TV. "Joan I need to change then we will get you ready ok," Joan nodded. It was five and Joan was going to want to eat before the left. Erin quickly made her a peanut butter sandwich setting the plate next to her on the couch. "You can eat on the couch just this once," Joan nodded and reached her hand out to touch above her mother's eyebrow. There was a deep cut there bot deep enough the need stitches but still deep enough that they had to place a gauze over it. "Its ok just a small boo boo," Erin stood from her crouched position.

She finished dragging the bags down the stairs. "Mommy I'm ready," Joan was wearing a Yankees sweatshirt black leggings and a pair of converse sneakers. Erin wore a similar outfit. Expect for a Yankees shirt she wore one of Charlotte's Harvard sweatshirts that no longer fit her.

The got through security and boarded the plane like they had a million times before. Joan sat in the middle, a pair of headphones resting on her head. Erin next to the window reviewing files.

They took off. Joan didn't flinch when they took off and continues to play with a doll. Erin finished reviewing and correcting the file. She gazed out the window watching the sun set and the snow fall. Joan had fallen asleep against Erin's arm. Erin's was looking for somewhere to live in Chicago suitable for her and Joan, near Jay's and in a good school district.

They landed and Erin woke Joan up. She grabbed her purse and small suitcase. She carried Joan on her hip as she sleepily rubbed her eyes and played her head on Erin's shoulder.

This time Jay greeted them at the airport. Taking the suitcases from Erin. "The doctor is worried about his blood pressure and his brain activity is slowly decreasing," Erin nodded. "Anything they can do about it," she asked. Placing Joan into the carseat. "They are running test and checking everyday. He hasn't woken up yet," Erin sighed. "What's this news your wife speaks of?" she asked as they pulled onto the freeway. "You have never called her by her name have you?" Erin thought about it. "No I guess I haven't. Why does it matter anyway she is your wife," Jay looked over at her "No I don't know what she is going to tell us," Erin scoffed. They pulled into the hospital. She generally woke Joan up. "Morning," Erin smiled. "Its still night were at the hospital," Joan looked around the garage. "Can dad carry me," Erin looked over her shoulder at Jay. "Sure, baby I can," Erin finished unbuckling her. Jay picking her up. "Let's go see grandpa hank," she said as they walked into the hospital.


	12. What the hell

Joan was asleep on her lap she was playing with her hair. When Mallory walkeds in. "Good your here," Erin looked down at her watch it read 5:00 am. "Where else would I be," Mallory flashed her a dirty look. "As I was saying, Jay and I would like full custody if Joan," she handed Erin the papers. A look of horror flashed over her face. She gently woke Joan "honey can you let mommy up her and daddys wife need to talk," joan sat up and slid off her mother's lap. "Hallway now," Erin said through gritted teeth. "

Mallory followed her put to the hallway. Leading her down the corridors Erin found an empty supply closet. "What the hell was that?" Mallory smiled. "I have evidence that you are not a good mother and that Jay and I would be more sufficient parents than you," Erin scoffed. She hadn't slept in 27 hours and this is what she got. "Are you delusional?" Erin asked shaking her head. "I am a perfectly good mother and you have no idea ow much effort it takes to be a single mom," Mallory laughed. "Exactly when me and Jay when this custody battle, Jojo will have the perfect family. She will have a lawyer mom and a dad who's runs homicide,

"What does that mean?" Erjn asked. "It doesn't look like hank's getting any better actually from what I've heard he's getting worse and he's already told Jay that the job is his,"" Erin didn't know how to fell. Who was this woman to walk in and tell her she was taking her daughter then tell her that hank was already dead. That's when it clicked. Mallory wanted the perfect family image and Erin was in the way and she thought that if she got rid of Hank, Erin would just go into a blind stare of grief.

"This was your plan all along. Wait till hank got injured, his condition worse and then he die, that would cause me to go into a blind rage and since Joan was the only thing keeping en saint before without her I would be out of control," Erni laughed "your plan its flawless, it paints you as the hero saving a child from a bad environment and me into a cruel and evil human,"

"Wow your not as dumb as you look," Mallory laughed. "The court date is set for May 23," Erin resisted the urge to punch her in the face. That would really give them something to go on. She let Mallory leave before she sank to the ground and cried. She couldn't lose Joan she was the only thing she had left.

She cried for a few more minutes than composed herself. Walking into the bathroom she wiped her cheeks and splashed cold water over her face. She couldn't let Mallory win. She walked into the hospital room. It was a Saturday so Jay didn't have to work. "Jay as much as I love the company you and your wife bring me and Joan are going to find a hotel," she said ignoring Mallory as she grabbed her and Joan's coats and her purse. "Let's put your coat on,Jay can I borrow your truck I need to pick up a friend fronththe airport, I'll return this afternoon,"

"I'll just drive you down the street to the rental service. Erin nodded as she helped Joan put her coat on. Then helped her slid her bookbag on. They walked out to the car in silence. Erin buckles Joan I'm and closed the back door of the truck.

"Erin I'm sorry I didn't know that was her news I swear," she continued to stare out the window. "Erin please at least acknowledge me," she turned to look at him. "What do you want me to say? Sorry your wife a bitch who wants to take the only reason I have to live, my will to live, I'm sorry I'm a little confused on what the hell just happened," she turned back to look out the window again the sun was peeking out over the horizon. He pulled into a rental car lot. "I'll go in and get me a car you can just follow me to the hotel I don't want to wake her again.

Erin returned with the keys to a black BMW. "Follow me," she said walking over to the car. He followed behind her till they reached the hotel that she and Joan had stayed at for the wedding. When they got parked they unloaded the two suitcases. She walked over to the passenger side and gently took Joan out trying not to wake her up. Jay wheeled the suitcases into the building. "I can take the suitcases," Erin said catching up to him. "I know you could,"

"One room for Lindsey please," she said walking up to the front desk. "How many beds," the woman asked looking at Jay. "Two twin," the lady gave them a look but typed it anyway. "Family vacation?" Erin laughed. "We are not married," Jay looked at her. "Really? When you say it like that you make me sound like a criminal," Erin rolled her eyes. "Can I just have my room pleas ," the lady handed over her room keys and smiled "have a good day,"

They got to room 104. Erin lay Joan on the bed and pulled her shoes off while Jay laid the suitcases on Erin's bed. "Hallway," she said pointing towards the door. "You had nothing to do with this because when I tell our daughter that her daddy and his wife want to take her from me, I don't want you to look like the bad guy but if I need to I will," Jay held his hands up, "Erin I swear I would never do anything like this. I have seen that she has done to you and I would never take that away from you. But I've also seen what you do for her. You are an amazing mother and I would never want anyone else to raise Joan,"

Surprise!! Two chapters in one day.. Also yay Mallory's not pregnant which is good I guess. I don't own um, any mistakes are mine, and please RR

-MC

(please dont hate me it will all work out in the end)


	13. Need You now

**Thank you all so much for the reviews please enjoy this chapter. RR. I don't own um and all mistakes are mine.****-MC**

She made a notice of not running into either Jay or Mallory for the past week. She was succeeding. She would wake every morning at 5:30 and go down to the hotel gym for a quick work out.

Once Joan was awake she would help her get ready and they would get breakfast. She couldn't keep Joan cooped up in the hospital and hotel all day. They would go to the park a few blocks from the hospital, make a trip to the movies or go somewhere else that seemed to peak Joan's interest.

Almost everyday she would receive at least ten calls from Jay, which she ignored and swore never to listen to the now 30 voicemails from him. Joan would also ask her questions about where he was or if they could see him.. Which her usual response was that he was at work or to change the subject completely.

As much as she tried to avoid anyone on the force that would tell Jay that they saw her. One morning she was about to take Joan to the park before going to see Hank. When she spotted Kevin walking through the main door and into the hotel lobby the hotel lobby.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath making sure Joan couldn't hear her. She turn towards the elevators when she saw Kim walking in from the side door.

"Damn it," she muttered. "Mommy look it's auntie Kim," Joan said pointing. She started running toward her before Erin could stop her.

"Joan no wait," Erin shouted speed walking behind her. Once she caught up to her she grabbed her hand.

"Don't run off like that, someone could have taken you," Joan looked like she was on the brink of tears.

"I'm sorry mommy I just wanted to see auntie Kim," Joan said as Erin picked her up.

"Its ok baby, now we can go talked to auntie Kim," Erin noticed that Kevin was escorting a guy out in handcuffs.

Kim taking into into her walkie talkie.

Erin slowly walked towards her. As Kim noticed them she began to wave. "Hey Erin, JJ how are you guys doing?"Kim asked giving Erin a hug.

"Good we were just on our way to the park when Joan saw you," Erin caught a flash of sunlight off Kim's finger. "Well that sounds like fun,"

"What is this," Erin asked grabbing Kim's hand and pulled it up for her to see moving it in the light.

"Adam pop the question last night over dinner. Erin it was so romantic," there was a pain in Erin's chest. "I'm happy for you," she said and she mentioned it though she could help but feel a bit jealous.

Joan pulled on Erin's shirt sleeve. "Mommy I show uncle Kevin the fishies," she asked pointing to Kevin. "If uncle Kevin wants to see the fish," Kevin reached out his arms. "Let's go see some fish,"

As they walked off Erin could hear Joan telling him about the fish. "He's not sleeping Er he's not even going back to their apartment,"

Erin rolled her eyes. "And how do you know that," Kim gave her a look. "He's been staying at Adam's . We had to go over to my place yesterday just for sex,"

Erin laughed. "I don't see how this is my problem,"

"Erin you need to talk to him he needs to see Joan she saved you from yourself I guarantee she can save him. She's the only female in his life who he's not pissed at or is not pissed at him," Erin sighed. "And he loves her. No matter how hard you try you know she loves him too,"

"I don't know what to do Kim," Erin said shaking her head. "I hate depriving him from seeing her and it's not his fault Mallory hates me and wants to take away all roots of my happiness,"

Kim sighed. "I don't know what to tell you. But we better get back because ever since that night Jay has been in a mood and I don't want to upset him anymore, but Erin I'm serious you need to call or just talk to him," Erin nodded as they walked over to Joan and Kevin.

"Joan, uncle Kevin and auntie Kim need to get back to work. Say bye," Joan gave Kevin a hug. "Bye,"

She reached towards Kim and gave her a hug. "Bye tell my daddy I love him,"

Kim nodded setting Joan on the ground. "Will do JJ be good for your mom ok," Joan nodded.

Erin back out of the parking spot. "Joan how about we go to the zoo today since you've been good these past few days?" Erin said looking around the curve into oncoming traffic.

"Can we please," Joan asked smiling .

"Do you want to see grandpa Hank before or after?" Erin asked turning the corner. "After so I can tell him all about it,"

"But first we have to stop at the airport to pick up a surprise guest," Joan jumped up and down in her seat.

"Who?" Erin smiled. "If I tell you then it won't be a surprise,"

Erin pulled into airport pickup and waited. Charlotte emerged from the crowd of people and started to wave there way.

Throwing her bags in the trunk she climbed into the passenger seat. "Auntie Charlotte," Joan cheered.

"Hey little miss what's up," she asked as Erin pulled out of the parking lot. "Were going to the zoo," Charlotte smiled.


	14. someone you loved

The zoo was busy for a day in the middle of the week at 11 in the morning. It had indoor enclosures making it a popular spot or children and parents goodas the temperature began dropping.

Joan was on Charlotte's shoulders. Erin had protested against it saying she was going to drop her. She would reach up to touch the leaves of the tree in the parking lot.

But when they passed the zoo's sign she made them stop for a picture. Charlotte protested. "My hair doesn't look good," she whined.

When they got in Joan wanted to see the lions first because they were her favorite animal ever sense Hank had gotten her a stuffed lion for her first birthday.

She was so obsessed with it she carried it around till Erin said she couldn't any more and made Hank buy her another. She's gotten o e on Christmas every year.

"Joan the lions are on the other side of the zoo. Why don't we see the penguins first?"

Joan nodded. She had been put on the ground because the doors didn't look tall enough for them to fit through and Erin had made her get down.

Joan jogged of ahead of her mom and aunt in the direction of the penguin enclosure and pressed her face against the clear class fogging it up.

Erin and Charlotte sat on one of the metal benches talking as Joan watched the penguins do flips and slid on the ice. "She just handed you the papers, told you she wanted custody and walked off," Erin nodded watching Joan.

"Yah I'm meeting with a lawyer Friday to see what the charges are, if she can actually do this, and what I'm going to have to do,"

"Have you told her yet?" Charlotte motioned to Joan. "I was going to wait till after Friday, don't want to worry her any more,"

Before Charlotte could answer Joan came rushing over. "Can we go see the snow bear?" She asked jumping up and down.

Erin nodded and smiled as Joan grabbed her and Charlotte's hands dragging them along behind her.

"What's the rush munchkin their still going to be there in 5 minutes?" Charlotte asked.

Joan didn't answer as she ran up and put her hands on the glass dividing her from the polar bear. "Look at him mommy," she said jumping up and down as her breath fogged the glass

They spent the next two hours there until Joan got hungry. Making one last stop at the build-a bear located near the exit to make Joan a stuffed lion.

The stopped for pizza from this small restaurant that Jay had taken her too when they first started dating.

Joan fell asleep on the way to the hospital. "Why dont you drop us off at the hotel and you go to the hospital by yourself,"

Erin looked back at Joan as she lay with her head on the window and her arms wrapped tightly around her new lion. "Fine but don't get yourselves into any trouble,"

Charlotte laughed "Me, never," Erin rolled her eyes. She gave her a high from her seat and blew a kiss at Joan. Who was half asleep but still waved bye.

Erin walked through the white halls. she stopped abruptly in front of Hank's door.

Jay sat next to the bed his head lowered and his hands folded together. He looked like he was praying. She was about to high tail it out of there when Jay began to talk.

"You got to wake up if not for me than for her. She stopped talking to me. She's stopped answering my calls. Not like she was answering them before but now she's not even texting me back. I thought when she left the first time it was bad but now it's worse. You were right. Mallory was just my rebound girl. My heart will always belong to Erin. Well I guess now Joan owns a majority of it. What the hell did I do."

Erin turned and sped walked down the hall, hoping he would notice her. She made it all the way to the car before she let out the breath she didn't know she was holding. Her hands were shaking.

Had he really just said all that stuff did he really mean it. She felt some tears run down her face as she desperately wiped them away.

The people walking by probably thought she was crazy. She began to laugh. "What the hell am I doing," she said looking into the rearview mirror.

She pulled out her phone and dialed the familiar number. She waited for the line to click before she began to talk.

"Hey, are you at the hospital we need to talk?" The person on the other end responded. "I'll meet you there, bye," she hung up.

Taking one more look in the mirror she wiped the black streaks from under her eyes.

This ones a wee bit shorter. I plan to upload again sometime in the next week. I enjoy all the reviews and thank you for all the follow and favorites Please RR. I do not own the characters. Except for the ones I created. All mistakes are mine. -MC


	15. True Confessions

"Nat, I'm so glad you agreed to meet me," Erin said standing up from the table to give her a hug. "It sounded urgent on the phone, what's up?" sitting down and wrapping her hands around the paper coffee cup.

"I may or may not have overheard Jay talking to Hank earlier, he said some stuff and I didn't know who to go to and I knew you still worked here. You know him better than I do so I just thought that you could, I don't know, maybe help me," Erin rambled

"What did he do know?" Nat sighed.

"That's just it. It wasn't bad at all. Maybe I'm overreacting I wasn't even meant to hear it anyway, I'm sorry for dragging you into this, I shouldn't have bothered you," Erin stood up and grabbed her purse off the back of her chair.

"You are not leaving. I took a twenty minute break for this and you're not just going to leave," Erin nodded and sat back down.

"He said that he loved me and that he had never loved Mallory, that she was just his rebound girl and Joan and I will always have his heart," Erin's words smooches together as she said it all in just one breath.

Natlie sipped her coffee and looked at Erin taking in the information that she had just been told. "Well do you love him?" she asked setting down her cup.

"That's the thing, I haven't even had time to think about it between getting Joan adjusted and this whole Hank situation I haven't had time to think about myself,"

Nat reached her and out a place it on top of Erin's giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Erin I don't know what to tell you, I love Jay like a brother but you both are very stubborn and not good with emotions. I think there's only one person who can help you through this and he's here sitting up stairs in the ICU,"

"I know Nat but what do I say when I get there. Hey I heard you say that your still in love with them. Why don't I tell him that we could just run away together and totally ignore the woman that you are legally tied to and how she is plotting to take my daughter from me,"

Nat rolled her eyes. "Erin you can't push it just go talk to him you can't blame him for that bitches actions," Erin laughed. "Just because she's my sister-in-law doesn't mean I have to like her," Nat retorted.

"Thanks Nat you've been a big help," Erin started toward the elevators. Nat stood up and shook her head. She had known all along that they were still in love.

She had even advised Jay not to get married. If only he would have listened to her and saved them a whole lot of hurt now.

Bouncing up and down in the elevator would not make it go faster she knew that. To say that she was anxious would be the biggest understatement of the year.

She totally didn't speed walk down the hallway even though deep down she wanted to break out into a sprint.

She poked her head in the room and saw that he wasn't there. She frowned. Sitting in the chair he had been in 10 minutes ago. She grabbed Hanks hand.

"Why am I so dumb? He married her of course he loves her. What did I think showing up here with his kid would have done. It's not like I knew he had moved on. Hank what do I do?"

"Will you just shut up and go kiss him already I'd like to sleep in peace and not be bothered by anymore love confessions," Hanks said.

Erin's mouth dropped in mis belief. She began to laugh. She placed a hand on his cheek to make sure he was real. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Hey kid," Hank's voice was rasler than normal. "Your awake. Do I need to call someone like a nurse?"

He shook his head. "Woke up this morning then Jay came in must have thought I was still asleep because he gave this really cheesy speech about how he loved you. Then he looked like he had seen a ghost when he realised I was awake,"

Meanwhile….

Jay text Mallory to make sure these wasn't at the apartment. Thank God she wasn't

He needed to pick up some things that he was running out of or hasn't grabbed when he first left.

He stood in the doorway with the shut door behind him. He could remember that night so well. They start yelling at each other in the bedroom as they got ready for bed.

He grabbed his duffel bag and threw some of his clothes and some other random items in it. She continued to yell at him as he grabbed little things he need drol around the apartment.

He remembered so clearly her following him to the door and begging him not to leave she promised she would change but he knew better.

The last thing he remembers is slamming the door in her face and driving to Molly's and getting blackout drunk . The next morning he woke up at Kim and Adam's.

He walked into the bedroom and saw his stuff was packed in boxes, they were all labeled. He opened the one that had Misc written in black sharpie on the side.

The item on top was a black leather cover journal. It was worn and the leather cracked. He had never seen it before in his life.

He sat on the bed and opened it. On the inside cover in the chicken scratch he loved so much it read E. LINDSEY. He turned the page and began to read.

**I hope you are enjoying the story and if you aren't, please tell me what I could do to improve it. I love and read all the reviews. I still don't own them, claim all mistakes and ask you to pretty please with a cherry on top ****RR. -MC**


	16. Chapters

_Dear Jay.__You probably will never get this. I shouldn't have just left chicago like that. I'm sorry. But I knew if I saw you I would regret my decision and never leave. Maybe one day we'll meet again. I left because I needed a new start. Chicago holds to many memories. Most of them were good but the ones about my past still haunt me and i needed a new slate.__I read somewhere that when a relationship ends you should write a letter about that person and the reason your relationship didn't work. I was having trouble writing that letter so I wrote this on to you instead.__Please don't take it out on hank he did nothing wrong, neither did you. If it was up to him I would still be in chicago not sitting on this stiff couch in my new apartment. Remember that the time we brought our old couch. That was a good memory.__Love Erin_.

He ran his fingers of the faded words and wrinkled pages there were splotches on the page. He guessed they were from Erin's tears. He turned to the next page.

_ Jay.__It's been almost two months and I still can't bring myself to go on a date. You'll be happy to know that I made a friend here. Her name is charlotte and at first I thought she was a bithc but them I warmed up to her and we have been almost inseparable since. She took me to a bar ;ast week and a couple of guys started to hit on us and I had to fight the urge to punch him in the face. I didn't because a bar fight on my record would not look good for my first month here.__ I met up with olivia for lunch last week. We had so much fun catching up with each other. She was excited to hear that I had moved to New York but was also disappointed with me when I told her that I left you in chicago because she knew we were meant to be. I just laughed and brushed her off, besides from what i hear you moved on pretty quick.__I think i'm getting the flu. I felt sick today at lunch when Gregory sat next to me with a steak and potatoes. I throw up a couple of days ago. I'm hoping it will just pass maybe it has something to do with the new environment.__Whatever people put at the end of letters__Erin_.

She had known about him and Mallory. He was glad she had made friends so quickly and that she had Olivia to watch over her. But he couldn't help but feel guilty for moving on so quickly like she had said.

_Jay__It's been two months and the nausea got so bad Charlee made me take a pregnancy test. She was such a bitch about telling me it was positive. But that's a story for another time.__I scheduled an appointment for friday. Not like it matters you and that beach blond bimbo seem to be getting along just fine.__I listen to the voicemails. You need to stop blaming yourself and move on to that girl because she seems to be more your type than I ever was. If I am pregnant it is for sure yours making me in the fifth month. I will tell hank for sure and i don't know about you yet.__Don't write back because you'll never see this letter,__Erin_

He knew he was invading her privacy but he could stop.

_Jay,__ Well its official, I am expecting as the doctor put it and i was right. She predicted it to be born in the middle of December. Charlotte joined me and we got a lot of stares. I think people thought we're a couple. I wish you could have come. There's a difference between knowing and it becoming official. I heard its heartbeat and got to see it. It was so small. I started to cry and the doctor said it was normal. She gave me a picture of the sonogram.__The person that you no longer love but is pregnant with your child,__Erin._Jay smiled down at the bottom slipped into a protective sheet was the ultrasound picture.The next few entries were just about her pregnancy and what she had been craving, what food made her want to be or be sick. A couple in particular stood out_.__Man that's DNA I have been carrying around for months,__It kicked for the first time at lunch today. I thought I had done something wrong and hurt our baby. But Mary at work assured me that it was just my-our (I'm still confused about that part) little tomato. That's what me and Char started to call it when I first found out and didn't want a lot of people to know and it just kinda stuck. It is the best feeling in the world.__At my appointment last week the doctor asked me if i want to know the gender and i said i want to be surprised. Like every other part of this pregnancy.__Really big beached whale who has lost sight of her feet,__Erin__Man that caused me this hell,__Today is my due date and guess what there is no sign of a baby. The only thing that signifies that it's my due date is the giant watermelon growing on my stomach. My body will forever be ruined because of you. Not that you'll ever know because you found another girl to satisfy your dreams of a family and all that shit.__Charlotte is complaining because I'm always cranky and never in a good mood. I always asked her how she would feel if she could bend over to pick anything up or put on her own shoes. I have spent so much on maternity clothes I don't know what I'm Going to do when i finally get this thing out of me. Remember that time that I complained that my boobs were too small. I take it back because my stomach isn't the only thing that has grown three sizes. If my stomach doesn't make it impossible to see then they do,__Person who just wants to meet her baby,__Erin__New father.__It happened last night and I blame you for all 18 hours of pain that I felt and don't tell me it's my fault thinking i was too good to have an epidural. But it was so worth it. Joan Jay Lindsey Halstead was born 4:59 am. She has curly almost white hair and the brightest blue eyes. She weighs 8 pound 3 oz and 6.75 inches tall. She messed me up done there and I am never doing it again. Even though what everyone says is right it is so worth that wait for the first time she was placed on my bare chest, all the emotions I had been feeling for the past nine months and 6 days just vanished.__Person who you gave the greatest gift to,__ Erin_

Jay wiped a tear from his eye. His phone pinged. He looked at the time and noticed he had been here for two hours. He had a text from kim, mallory and nat. He looked at the one from Kim first knowing it was about work. She was asking him where he was and why he wasn't at the station.

He looked at nats next. Wandering what Will or Owen had done now. "Just talk to erin. You should too," he shot back a response saying. "I will talk to her later busy right now," he dreaded looking at the last text not know what she would want this time. "I'll be back at the apartment around 6 get your shit and dont be there when I get there," he scoffed grabbed three of the boxes and left. He made sure he had the journal and left.

_I hope you enjoyed. I was a little nervous about this chapter and what y'all would think. Please RR and remember that all mistakes made are mine. Enjoy -MC_


	17. congratulations

Erin sat in Hank's hospital room, legs crossed. With her computer on her lap. She began to research schools for Joan to transfer to. Even though she was four she was scheduled to be tested on thursday at the public school in Hank's district. She was planning for them to live there till hank got back on his feet.

Jay had had a slow day at work so after finishing most of the paperwork from their most recent case he swung by the hospital to pick up Joan.

Now he was sitting on a park bench watching as Joan ran around the playground chasing some other kids. He was sipping on his coffee. The hot liquid keeping his hands warm, against the January Chicago winds.

A middle aged woman came and sat next to him brushing off some snow. "Which is yours?" she asked setting her bag next to the bench. "That one in the hot pink coat and green hat," he pointed towards Joan who was going down the slide.

"Which on is yours?" he asked. She laughed. "I got four," Jays eyes widened. "There Beau over there by the tree, he's the oldest, then Bethany is second. She's by the swings with Benjamin who's the youngest, then Bella is playing with yours,"

"I have a hard time keeping up with just one. I don't know how you do it with four," she smiled. "it's hard at times don't get me wrong but it'll be worth it in the end," Jay smiled and looked at the woman. "I'll keep that in mind," Joan came running over to him. "Daddy," she squealed "come push me on the swings pwease," he picked her up and began to tickle her.

"Ok monkey lets go," he waved at the lady. "Have a good day,"

They spent another hour at the park before Joan got hungry. He took he to a little cafe about a block away from the station. "Your mom and I used to get breakfast here a lot," Joan ordered a kids turkey wrap and Jay ordered a chicken blt. They got a window seat. Joan looked out at the busy Chicago street pointing at things for Jay to look at.

Joans wrap was cut in half and she began to eat it. She finished the half she was eating then stopped. "Are you full?" Jay asked. "Yes, can I take the other half to mommy?" Jay nodded, knowing Erin probably haven't eaten, and asked the waiter for a togo box.

They were walking along the sidewalk when Jay spotted and ice cream shop ahead. He looked down at Joan. "Monkey, what do you say about getting some ice cream," Joan's eyes widened. "Can we pwease?" Jay smiled. "Of course but onder on condition, your mom never finds out," Joan nodded as the walked into the small corner store.

It looked like your classic ice cream parlor it had the neon light ice cream sign, mosaic floors, and classic red leather stools. He had to help Joan on top of one of the stools. Then he took his spot next to her. He ordered a chocolate milkshake and Joan got a small cookies and cream cone. They sat and enjoyed their ice cream as Joan told Jay about how she wanted a puppy.

The sidewalks were not as crowded as before because lunch hour had ended and people were back to work. They made one last stop at the station to pick up Jay's truck before going back to the hospital to see Hank and Erin.

When they got there Erin was still on her computer just as she was when Jay had come to pick Joan. He bent down to joan and pretended to help her take her coat off while he whispered in her ear. "You should go over there and shut your mom's computer," Joan smiled. Skipped over to her mother and began to push the screen down slowly.

Jay couldn't help but smile at first but when Joan started to giggle and hank joined her. His boisterous laughter filling the atmosphere with a bubbly feeling. Jay could contain it and began to laugh too.

Erin joined in after a while setting her computer aside. "And what exactly do you think your doing little miss," she asked pulling Joan on her lap. "Daddy told me too," she said pointing at Jay.

He placed his hand over his heart. "I would never," he exaggerated.

They spent the next couple of hours talking to Hank. Soon visiting hours were over and Joan was almost asleep. "We should get going." Erin said standing up, collecting her bags.

"I can carry Joan out, I should be going anyway," Jay said standing Joan's arms wrapped around his neck.

"So Thursday, Joan had to go to the school for a test," Erin said as they got in the elevator. "Is everything ok?" Jay asked.

"Yes, in New York she took a test in daycare and it showed that she was eligible to be in kindergarten a year early, she was supposed to start on January 9th, but we are moving here so I was going to see if she was eligible here,"

"So I was right. She is smart like her mom," Erin laughed. "I guess so, I'm also meeting with a zawyer on Friday at noon so I was wondering if you could watch her for a couple hours,"

"Sure, she might have to stay in the station for a little. I hope everything goes well," they stepped out of the elevator. "Yah, me too, have you talked to her in awhile," Jay shook his head. "She texted me earlier today saying when she wasn't going to be home so I could pick up some things I needed, but that's it,"

"Well this is me," Erin nodded towards the black Ford focus they were walking up to. "Her seat is on the driver side," she said punching the button the remote to unlock the doors.

Jay walked next to the car and began to put Joan in her seat as she began to stir. "Daddy? Her voice was thick with sleep. "I'm right here, you can go back to sleep," he finished buckling her in and leaned down to give her a kiss on her temple. "Good night monkey,"

Jay began to back out if the car when he hit Erin. "Sorry, didn't see you there," he laughed. "I thought you were still buckling her in, " Erin laughed.

"I will see you Friday morning we can just meet here and I'll text you when I'm done and you can tell me where you all are," Jay nodded. "See you Friday," be said walking towards his truck which was a little ways down.

Wednesday went smoothly. Erin Joan and Charlotte explores Chicago and Erin bought some new clothes for Joan. She bought a nice shirt and khakis for her test the next day. Erin had scheduled dinner with Kim and Adam that night so Charlotte went to a bar near the hotel.

Thursday morning Erin got Joan up and dressed her in her new outfit. Erin wore a simple navy blouse and a pair of dress pants.

Jay texted her wishing Joan good luck to day and asking if they could get lunch afterward. She agreed to lunch and thanked him.

She texted Charlotte asking where she was and she just said that she met "the one" last night. Erin rolled her eyes. She seemed to meet the one at least once a month.

They arrived ten minutes early and had to sit outside the testing room. Joan's name was called and Erin handed the lady all the paperwork from New York.

Erin sat outside of the testing room while Joan took the test. Her phone buzzed about five minutes in. A text from Jay displayed on the screen.

**J: How's it going?**

**E: I dont know I'm not in there with her.**

**J: And you wonder where she gets her sass from. **

**E: I am not sassy. She gets it from you.**

**J: Sure whatever you say. What are we doing for lunch.**

**E: Do you want to eat out or we can eat at the station**

**J: I don't care. Whatever works best for you.**

**E: Helpful, very helpful. ?**

**J: Do not roll your eyes at me. **

**E: I will roll my eyes if I want to. Your not my boss **

**J: And?**

The door to the room opened and Joan walked out. Erin stood and Joan walked over to her. "I'm sorry mommy," Erin bent down.

"Sorry about what baby," Erin asked. Joan's gaze was fixed on the ground. "I don't think I did very good." Erin let out a soft laugh.

"It's not your fault baby, I'll be proud of you no matter what," she wrapped her arms around Joan. "Your daddy wants to eat lunch with us is that ok," Joan nodded her head on Erin's shoulder.

Once in the car Erin set a text Jay.

**E: Jo does not think she doesn't think she did good on the test, she seemed sad walking out. I think it's better if we don't bring it up till the results are in.**

**J: Ok tell me if there's anything I came to help. Are we still on for lunch then?**

**E: yah I'll just come to the station then we can decide from there if that sounds good. **

**J: ?**

She started the car and began to drive to the station.

"Joan what do you want to eat?" She asked as they pulled into the parking lot. "don't know," she still had a frown on her face that she wore at the school.

Erin shot Jay a text saying g they were there and asking him to buzz them up. Platg had other ideas though.

"Lindsey and little Lindsey, it's been a while, what are you doing here?" Erin groaned and started walking toward the large desk. "We are going with Jay to lunch today," Erin responded.

Jay walked down the stairs at that time. "I have some work to finish quickly if you want to say hi to the guys real quick. Kim and Hayley are out chasing a lead," he explained.

Joan dropped her mother's hand and ran over to Jay wrapping her arms around his leg. "Sup' monkey?" He said picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. She began to giggle and swing her legs.

Once Joan had calmed down they went up stairs. When Joan saw the guys she ran over to all of the giving them each a hug. She went up to Antonio last and wrapped herself Around his leg. He scowled down at her and she just giggled.

Erin made her way over to Adams desk. "So I heard that you were engaged. You know that means commitment right?" she joked elbowing his arm. "Haha very funny, so you got any tips for us?" her eyebrows went up. "Hated to burst your bubble but I've never been married,"

"Sorry I thought kim told you," Erin shook her head. "I haven't heard from her since the day after you proposed. Why whats up?" Adam scratched his neck. "Well we found out last week that kim's pregnant," Erin jumped up from where she was leaning on his desk. "You're kidding right," she squealed.

The others and Joan were now staring. "That's amazing news, congrats man," adam nodded "i know I did all the hard work," Erin rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. "Shut up,"

Jay came walking out of his office. "Are you two ready to go?" Joan looked up from whatever Kevin was showing her on his phone and nodded. Erin nodded and grabbed her theikr coats from the hooks next to the doorway. She slid hers on and walked over to Joan and helped her get hers on.

They got in jays truck because it was closer and Erin had to pay per mile on the rental. They went to some chicago style pizza place and got a booth at the back of the restaurant. "Joan do you remember mommy telling you about that important meeting she has tomorrow?" Joan nodded and kept coloring on her menu. "Are you ok if you stay with daddy tonight?" Erin asked she nodded again switching from a yellow to a blue crayon. Erin signed she didn't know what had happened during that test but it really seemed to be bothering joan.

"So im guessing adam told you the news?" Jay ask a few minutes after their waiter had gotten their drink orders. "It depends on which news your talking about the fact that they are engaged again or that Kim's pregnant?" Jay laughed "I was talking about the fact that I found a two bedroom apartment and moved off their couch," Erin laughed. "I bet he was happy about that?"

"Yah his favorite part was when I asked him to help me move all of my stuff out of storage. I will have you know that I did go back to the old apartment and take back my couch," Erin smiled. "You mean _my _couch," jay rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure the note you wrote said it was mine now." Erin shugged. "I blame that on not being in the right state of mind,"

"Whatever you say but its my couch now," their waiter chose that time to come and bring their drinks. They ordered a deep dish pizza. Their food came and they kept making small talk addressing Joan every once and a while.

Jay insisted on paying the bill and drove them back to the station. They agree that Erin would stop by around 6 that night and drop off Joan.

When they got into the car Erin noticed that she had five missed calls from one of her colleagues. She called her back as she was leaving the parking lot.

"Erin, I've been trying to call you all afternoon," Erin sighed. "Did you find d any thing? " She asked. "You wouldn't believe what I found, it so unbelievable you wouldn't believe me if I told you. I just emailed the file to you. I told you she look familiar."

"Thanks Wendy I'll look into it send me any thing else you find," With that she hung up the phone.

Once Joan was laying down and taking her nap. Erin seat down at the small desk in the corner of the room looking for Wendy's email. She let the cursor hover over the email before clicking on it then clicking the attached file.

The image at the corner of the screen was of Mallory but with black hair and green eyes. The name on the paper read _Eva Simons_. Eva was wanted for numerous crimes ranging from theft to treason. She was wanted in at least five different countries and had a verified twenty aliases.

Erin sighed she knew she couldn't trust her. She downloaded the file and put a password on it. Closing her laptop she leaned back in the chair and began to rub her temples. She says like that for a few minutes trying to wrap her mind around the information she had just received.

Standing up she began to pack Joan's bag for Jay's. She grabbed three outfits the she knew Joan like and matched. Setting the bag aside she started to pick up the room knowing that they would be moving in with hank in a couple days when he got out of the hospital so she could help him recover and keep him from trying to go back to work.

Joan woke up about six. Erin grabbed one of the salads and prepackaged meals she had bought at the grocery store and they ate a light dinner because their lunch was very filling, once they were done Erin chowed Joan the outfits she had chosen and told her to pick out some toys and other objects to bring with her. By 7:15 they were on their way. Erin had plugged the address for Jays new apartment in the cars GPS as they were slowly making it onto the road.

When they arrived they had jay buzz them up and he showed Joan her room and helped her settle in. there was a toddler bed that he had gotten from will and natalie a couple or nights before and a small dresser. He told her that they would go shopping for other furniture soon.

Erin had set her laptop on the small dining room table and opened up the file she had received. "So I had someone at the FBI do some digging on your wife like maybe an unpaid speeding ticket or something but let me tell you Jay you sure know how to pick um," she said turning the computer towards him. "I not really supposed to be showing you this but I thought you would want to know that your wife was a wanted criminal,"

"I could always find out where she is and the FBI can arrest her," Erin nodded. "Can you trace her phone?" Jay gave her a look. "I could trace her cell in my sleep. I am offended you think so low of me," Erin rolled her eyes. "Make it snappy I don't have all day," jay began to pull up some software and search mallorys phone number.

"It says she at the apartment, you want to go check it out with me?" Erin shrugged. "Why not it'll be like old times," she grabbed her coat. "Wait what are we going to do with joan?"

"We can dropped her off at will and nats on the way," Erin nodded "sounds good," she walked into joans room and told her that she would get to hang out with nat and owen. After hearing that she jumped up and hurried to put on her coat.

"Hey will thanks again for taking her," Erin said as she grabbed the doorknob. "I know it was short notice and all but I can promise you it's for a good reason," smiled "I get it. Are you guys gonna come back and get her or is she staying over?" Erin shrugged. "I don't know how long this is going to take. Jay'll text you when we're done if she is or not," there was a honk of a car horn telling Erin to hurry up. "Well I should get going. It sounds like someone needs to learn that patients is a virtue." will laughed and stepped out on the porch behind erin. "Thank you again," Erin said as she descended the steps.

They arrived at the apartment complex and jay spotted Mallorys car parking the car Erin called the Chicago FBI office and told them she worked in New York and that she had found Eva Simons. They told her to wait until they had arrived, and that ETA was about 7 minutes. They sat in the car and waited. Once they heard the sirens approaching Erin got her badge and sidearm out of her purse and showed it to the lead officer, telling them she was the one who called it in.

They gave her a bullet proof vest and she agreed to stay behind the swat team. They also told Jay that he could join them because he was married to her. They rushed up the stairs clearing everybody out of the stairwell and placing a swat officer at each floor entrance. The elevators had been evacuated and turned off. Once they arrived at their floor officers began to clear out apartments.

Jay walked forward to knock on the door. "Hey Mal, I was just wondering if I could come in I think I left me badge here," there was no response. "She has to be here the kitchen lights on and she always shuts off all of the lights," he pointed towards the yellow hew coming from the bottom of the door. "Mallory i'm coming in," he slid his key in the lock and unlocked the door. Officer cortez, the head swat officer opened the door as jay stepped back.

Looking in through the door you could clearly see Mallory, or Eva whatever she went by, sitting on the couch, with ten oranger pill bottles and an assortment of pills laying on the coffee table. Erin grabbed her phone and dial 911 telling them the situation. Cortez walked over and check to see if she had a pulse he gave erin and nod and placed her on the ground to start cpr. Another officer listed of the drugs she had taken wrote them down. The ableance arrived 5 minutes later and she was rushed to the nearest hospital. The paramedics had been given the list of drugs.

A yellow manila envelope laid on the counter. They would later find out that she had found out about Erin getting to file on her and attempted killed herself, so she wasn't sentenced for her crimes, inside the envelope was a letter explaining this, a signed confession on paper and papers saying she was dropping the charges on Erin for custody of Joan.

Happy new year! I have been working on this one for awhile I originally had it split into two chapters but I decided that because the last one was so short that I would combine the two. This year I am going to try to get back into a semi regular pattern. Semester and the latest holidays and family events have been very time consuming. Thank you for reading and as always, R&R, I don't own them and any and all mistakes are mine.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey, so it's been a while and I've been really uninspired lately andso I began to reread this fanfiction to get reinspired and I decided that I was going to go through and edit the existing chapters because I feel the story is not what I wanted it to be and I want to write it but i want to write it like I like it. I'm going to keep this version of the story on my account but I won't be updating it. I hope to not change it too much from the original. -MM**


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